What I've learned today.

Just a quick note on what I've learned today from my soon to be 2 years old son, Michael.

He's starting to talk, so it's really fun watching him interact with others. Obviously his tool box of words is quite limited, but do you think that stops him from getting things done? Absolutely not. He even mispronounces the limited words he has, but he still finds a way to get things done.

For example he says, "Mommy!" Sometimes it takes a bit to make out what he's saying. A little while ago he starting saying, "Mommy!" over and over again, a good two dozen times or more. Using just that one word along with a bit of body language and changes in tones he finally got his intended result...a cup of water (which he decided to share with me, by the way :)So what do you make of this?

Here's what I've learned today:
1. If I'm committed I'll find a way.
2. Communication is more about intention than it is about the right words or even saying them correctly.
3. Use what I've got. Even with the limited resources at his disposal he uses the heck out of it...combined with the commitment and intention to get it done the results happen.
4. Don't worry about what it looks like.

Great lessons going into the new year. Have fun, learn lots and until next time...

Live FREE!

How was it?

Well, another year is about to come to an end, and of course that means another one is about to begin. For about a decade, I've engaged in the practice of utilizing the last two weeks of the year to evaluate and then set new goals for the upcoming year. I've also read one of two books over and over again at this time of year as well. (If you'd like to receive my self-evaluation and assessment questions, goal setting questions and the two books I've read over and over again, just send me a comment or an email.)It's not about resolutions, it's about learning and growth. I think that this level of self assessment and evaluation has been invaluable for me.

For what it's worth, I hope that you had the best year of your life in 2010. I hope that you had a ton of challenging situations that called for and brought out the best in you, even more so than you thought was possible. I hope that you also had some major as well as minor victories this past year as well. Most importantly I hope that you gew this year as a human being, that you became more integrous, committed, determined, trustworthy and trusting, courageous and bold, confident, powerful and loving. I believe that if you grew in such a manner, no matter what the results of your life look like now, with that continued growth the results will eventually catch up to you. So whether you think 2010 was the greatest year of your life or the greatest bust I wish for you the best year of your life in 2011. May it bring great challenges and victories. May you exercise the courage to rise up and meet those challenges, and may you exercise the humility to accept those victories with gratitude. Mostly I wish for you love and joy! Happy new year!

Live FREE!

Messy, Messy, Messy...Perfect

I love being a dad. It's certainly one of the greatest joys that I've experienced in my life, and am grateful for it. It's also one of the best learning experiences I've been a part of, and quite frankly it's one of the most interesting experiments that I've conducted as well.

For me, I started with the premise that my job as a father is to provide my children with the best envrionment possible for learning and growth to occur, which in turn (hopefully) will have my children turn out to be highly contributing members of society who will do more good than harm and in the end will leave the planet a bit better for them having been here. The intention and premise are simple, and I've got to admit that the methodologies and practices can get a bit confusing and frustrating at times. Certainly those moments far out weigh the victories, but those moments of victory sure seem to make it all worthwhile.

Recently I've been dealing with my third child, Michael, who will be two years old in March of 2011, so he's about three months away from what many people call the "terrible two." I'm not sure that all children go through that, certainly I don't recall my other two children going through a period of "terribleness", but it does seem that Michael is a bit different than the other two. Okay he's a lot different. He's certainly much more independent and stubborn to boot. Then on top of that he gets loud, really loud when he doesn't get his way (think tantrum).

What I've determined about him, and perhaps you're like this as well, he learns by doing. In fact I think he likes the process of learning. He makes huge messes, but rather than observing and then doing, or even being instructed he just dives right in and starts at it. I'll admit, it gets MESSY. Like him feeding himself. It's funny, because I don't like messiness, I find myself constantly trying to take the spoon from him to feed him. He gets upset that I'm trying to take the spoon from him, and he cries and screams. Then I remind myself that it's good that he learns to feed himself, and the faster he's able to do it the easier it will be for me...but the mess I've got to clean up...ARGH!!

Sometimes it seems that the best thing a leader can do is allow the learning to occur, and simply create a safe envrionment for the learning to occur. So what am I talking about? Well in the learning to feed himself example my job is simply to allow him to make the mess and clean up after him. I may attempt to instruct him, but if he's not ready for the instruction then the only thing that'll happen is a fight. I allow the learning to happen. In the case of him climbing up the side of the bunk bed, rather than discourage the behavior, I simply hang out close enough so that should he fall I'm there to catch him. Interestingly enough, though, he gets stuck at times and asks for help, and when he does I assist him.

So how does all of this occur. Ultimately I think that what allows this learning envrionment to exist is the strength of relationship, and a foundation of trust. High trust creates strong relationships and this allows for learning to occur, because learning takes time and learning creates big messes and the endurance required to get through the big messes is the foundation of trust.

What does this have to do with anything...well I think a lot. Here's how I see it. There is the relationship we have others, and then there is that relationship we have with ourselves. If there's any validity to this theory that learning and ultimately growth requires a high trust envrionment, then it seems that for one to learn and grow oneself then one must have a high degree of trust in oneself. So why is it that so many people stop learning and growing as they grow older? Perhaps one reason is that they don't have very supportive environments for growth and learning to occur, but also it may be because they don't have a high degree of trust in oneself. How does one change that? Well, we'll talk about that some other time. Until next time...

Live FREE!

What kind of shape are you in?

I don't know if you follow MMA (Mixed Martial Arts), but I like it. There's this guy Fedor Emelianenko, even with his recent loss most people would rate very high as among the best fighters in the business. The thing is that when you look at the guy, he doesn't look that great. Physically he's a bit pudgy. On the outside, you'd never know that he's that good, but over and over again, he just gets the job done. He's one of these people that I'd say trains to win, not to look good. I've been thinking about this for some time, when the other day, I was watching on The Golf Channel an interview with Phil Mickelson's trainer, Sean Cochran when he said the following:

"...you're gonna train an athlete...for the physical requirements of the sport. We're less concerned about how they look, but more concerned about how they perform. We're gonna train and develop the body for performance, not to be on the cover of a magazine."

That got me to thinking...What about the game of life? Are you training for performance or to look good? In one of my workshops I make a distinction between the professional attitude/mindset and the amateur attitude/mindset. When I do that, and the people start thinking about the difference between the two certain differences become obvious. Then I ask the million dollar question, are you approaching your life with the mindset of a professional, to be the best you can be, or are you approaching life like an amateur, at a hobby level? In all of the facets of your life do you go about it as a professional would or as an amateur? Are you a professional at being a husband, a father, a wife, a mother, a friend, at whatever your chosen career?

So in the game called life, perhaps you could ask yourself the following questions as well. What kind of shape am I in mentally? What kind of shape am I in emotionally? spiritually? physically? Am I in shape in these areas or have I let myself slide? If I am working out in these areas, am I training and practicing for peak performance or to simply look good? How would I even begin to measure myself in these aspects of life? It's been my experience that the things that get measured can be improved, so how would I go about measuring my performance as a husband, father, friend? How about a customer survey? What customer? Well, as a husband wouldn't your wife be your customer? What about as a father? Friend? We say things like I want to be the best person I can be, but beyond simply feeling good about ourselves do we really measure our performance? Let's go beyond that. Let's really set some higher standards to be measured and live that life.

Until next time...

Live FREE!

Joy

As you are well aware, this coming Thursday is Thanksgiving. What do you think about when you think about Thanksgiving? Food? Quality time with family…catching up? Football? Sharing in abundance? The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade?

According to the Scholastic.com website, the English colonists we call Pilgrims celebrated days of thanksgiving as part of their religion, but these were days of prayer, not days of feasting. Our national holiday really stems from the feast held in the autumn of 1621 by the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag to celebrate the colony’s first successful harvest.

As you may have noticed, the title of what you are reading is Joy. What does Thanksgiving have to do with joy, you ask? I'd like you to consider the possibility that what it doesn’t have to do with is the meal that you may be eating, or the football games or family time or anything outside of you that you may be looking to for the source of your joy. After all how many people these days cringe at the thought of eating that meal for the fear of gaining weight or get stresed out by the thought of family time. That's not to say that the meal or the family is the source of pain neither.

What I’m talking about here is how does one generate an experience of joy in his or her life? I think it is fitting at this time of year, especially in the economic climate that they keep telling us about through various media outlets over and over again, we stop to consider gratitude as the beginning of our joyful experience. Sure you could look at all of the things that may be “wrong” in your life, and certainly I can, too. Of course you have the right, the privilege and you are even entitled to look at the circumstances of your life and use those things as evidence of why you should be grumpy, sad, frustrated…or you can be grateful, have an “attitude of gratitude” about not only the things that are easy to be grateful about, but more importantly of the things that are not so easy to be grateful about, like the challenges that you may be facing, and that you have the oportunity, capacity and the resources to face them head on.

So for Thanksgiving this year, I choose to be grateful for all of the so-called challenges that I’m faced with and the challenges that I will be faced with, and of course I am grateful for all of the wonderful things as well…my wonderful family, all of the people who I’ve been so fortunate to get to know and serve over my lifetime…and the list goes on and on.

This would not be complete of course without me asking you some questions. I’d like to do something a bit different this time, though. I’d like to hear back from you the answers to the following questions. Just post it on the comments or email it to coachjang@yahoo.com so here goes…What are you grateful for, right now? Who are you grateful for, right now? What could you be grateful for if you just looked at it differently? How could you create more gratitude in your life? And What would your experience of life be if you cultivated for yourself a permanent attitude of gratitude?

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family from the Kim Family and the iLead Team, we are grateful to you and for you. We look forward to being your partner in your success! Until next time...

Live FREE and JOYFULLY!

Two Questions

A while back I was at a late night restaurant with a friend of mine I hadn’t seen in some time. He called me up and wanted to get together and talk about life, so we agreed to meet at a get-together I was invited to. Once we sat down, he started to tell me about his current situation in life; really just to complain about the circumstances of his life. After hearing his story for about ten minutes I came to the conclusion that the story would never end unless I stopped him. So, I stopped him: “Let me stop you right there,” I said, “I’ve heard enough.” Then I asked him two questions: “What is your purpose for being in…that relationship, that job?” And, “What’s next?”

My friend wanted to keep telling me his story. He wanted my opinion about why the people in his life -- his girlfriend, his co-workers, his boss, his customers -- do what they do. All of which, even if he knew the answers, still would leave him with the same two questions.

It occurs to me that most people I run in to are caught up in the same circular thinking that my friend was caught up in attempting to answer. In our pursuit to know “the truth” we lose sight of where it is we want to get to and what needs to be done about it, right now. Let’s say something about “the truth” right here: I’m not saying that “the truth” doesn’t exist. Let’s face it, we could write a whole book on the subject. What I’m saying here is that “the truth” that most of us get in the trap of attempting to figure out is not the truth anyways. In our Access To Power workshop we spend a great deal of time separating fact and interpretation. What most people consider to be “the truth” is usually nothing more than an interpretation.

So let’s bring this home to you and your life. Whatever complaint you have right at this moment about your situations - whether they be about your boss, spouse, co-worker, up-line, down-line – what if you did find out “the truth?” What if it was far worse than you ever imagined it was? What if it was not nearly as bad as you thought it was? Do you really need to know? Then ask. Whatever the answer is, far worse or not nearly as bad are you okay with “the truth?” And honestly, does what they do really have anything to do with your decision to take action or not? Then obviously the next two questions are…

What is your purpose? What’s next?

Until next time...

Live FREE!

The High Trust Environment or Culture

What is the foundation of all relationships? If you said trust, I would agree with you. The foundation of all relationships is trust or it could be said that a relationship that works, one in which the people involved have mutual respect as well as mutual benefit is built on a foundation of high trust or occurs in a high trust environment. On the other side, I’d say that a poorly functioning relationship, one in which there is no respect and no benefit, is built on a foundation of low trust or occurs in a low trust environment. If that’s the case, how does a foundation of high trust get created?

We create trust and also destroy trust with our words. Specifically stated, we create trust and also destroy trust with promises and declarations. It’s a rather simple thing. When we make a promise and then keep a promise, trust goes up. When we make a promise and then break a promise, trust goes down. I understand that in our society we allow room for excuses as to why a promise wasn’t kept and we even have certain rationalizations that we have come to agree on as fact. For example when someone says I’ll be there at a specific time, here in Southern California, especially the Los Angeles area there exists a socially acceptable amount of time in which people are allowed to be late, why? Well as a people we’ve bought in to the idea that traffic, that uncontrollable circumstance, makes us late, therefore if I promise to be on time for a function you couldn’t possibly have believed that I’d actually show up when I said I would. At least that’s how the game is set up. The formula is I say “X”, whatever X is, we play a game where I don’t have “X” and I have a great reason, story or justification and on some level the other person is supposed to buy in to the possibility that the two are in fact the same. For example, I tell you I’ll be there at 3:00 for the meeting. I show up at 3:30 and tell you that the traffic was really bad, and you are supposed to say even though I am half an hour late, because I had a good reason it is acceptable that I am 30 minutes late, in fact it’s the same as showing up at 3:00. I know that doesn’t sound right, but based on how we play this game called “being our word” that is exactly how it gets done. The real issue comes in to play when we realize that although the other person tells you it’s okay that you were late, what they are really thinking is that I don’t trust this person. As a result the relationship suffers.

Our word is all we have to relate with others by. When we make and keep a promise the relationship gets stronger. When we make and break a promise the relationship suffers. If we are cognizant of this then it is completely in our power to strengthen as well as weaken our relationships, moment to moment. No matter how bad the relationship may be we have the opportunity to strengthen it by making and then keeping our promises. This applies to ones relationship with oneself as well.

Now I know that some of you may be thinking, “If I make and break a promise and the relationship suffers, well what if I never make a promise. Then I’ll never break a promise, and therefore the relationship will never have to suffer.” That seems to make sense, but if you think about it that would mean at the very best your relationship would stagnate, which is no better. The reality of the matter though is this, have you ever been with someone who never makes a promise, never commits to you for anything? They are always saying things like, “We’ll see how it goes.” “Let’s wait and see, and play it by ear.” “I can’t promise, but I’ll see if I can make it.” Let me ask you this question, does that person instill in you a lot of confidence and trust? Probably not. In fact when I ask this question in our seminars the overwhelming majority of the people say that they don’t trust people who are like that, so playing it safe doesn’t work either.

Making promises is how human beings create the opportunity to grow a relationship. Although the possibility to break trust also gets opened up when you make a promise, the opportunity to grow the relationship is also created. Whether you keep your promise or break your promise the relationship shifts, and if you break your promise you have the opportunity to create a new one and shift the relationship again. As long as it is moving the opportunity to grow exists. If it stagnates no possibility for growth exists. The question is what are you about growth or stagnation? Until next time...

Live FREE!

What can you learn from a Two Year Old?

My son, Michael, was born on March 23, 2009 so he's not quite two yet, but watching him engage in life is an amazing thing. I've learned a lot from him lately as I wrote about before. Lately, he's helped me to remember a few things also, so here goes.

Know what you want. Michael is crystal clear about what he wants. He knows it specifically. When he wants a cookie, it's COOKIE!

Commit to what you want. Michael is committed! There's no backing down. He will go toe-to-toe with anyone who stands in the way of him and the COOKIE!

Take action. He will do whatever it takes! He doesn't have it all planned out he knows what he wants and just simply goes for it, he will enroll you in to his vision, he will do anything and everything especially delegate. :)

Persist until. There's no quit in him. He will inevitably get what he wants. He doesn't take "NO" for an answer. He just keeps going and going and going like that bunny on that battery commercial.

Express Yourself. He has a limited vocabulary, but you know what he's saying. He doesn't get hung up on finding the "right" words or the "best" way to say it he just gets his point across.

Who cares what others think. He is absolutely uninhibited. As long as he gets what he's after, it's all good. He doesn't care if you say "NO". What you think about him is the last thing on his mind.

Enjoy yourself and be in the moment. Michael is absolutely in the moment and enjoys himself. If he bumps his head, it's absolutely "WHAAAAAAA!" and then it's done and on to the next thing. He doesn't take that event in to the next day and complain about it. He's in it and then it's over. When he's happy, he's happy. When he's upset he expresses it and then it's gone.

Now I'm not necessarily advocating that you cry and scream as he does from time to time (BTW we do our very best to discourage that behavior and not give in, even though it's difficult at times :) The questions are do you know what you want, specifically? Are you committed or is it just a nice wish, a fantasy? Are you in action towards your goals, do you have an attitude of doing whatever it takes? Are you willing to persist, no matter how long or how difficult? Are you caught up in doing it "right" or are you caught up in gettin' it done? Are you allowing what you think what others might think stop you or are you willing to go through the perceived pain of ridicule, persecution, etc. to get to where you want to get to? And finally are you in the moment, completely engaged in life and enjoying each moment?

So what can you learn from a two year old? A LOT!

Until next time...

Live FREE!

Life Lesson at Hot Dog on a Stick

So yesterday I took my kids, Payton, Grace and Michael to the mall. Why? Yesterday was $1 Tuesday at Hot Dog on a Stick, which is a great excuse to not cook. We got our food and proceeded to eat, and something interesting occured.

My youngest Michael is just twenty months old, and he hasn't quite figured out the process of eating. He has a tendency to stuff his mouth until he can't fit anymore in. Then he proceeds to chew, and sometimes he swallows and sometimes he spits it out. My way of controlling this behavior is to not put all of his food in front of him at one time, but rather one bite at a time...portion control. :) So I was doing the same thing last night, breaking off a piece of the corndog, letting him eat that bite, then when he was done swallowing I'd set another piece in front of him. In the midst of taking care of my other two children I'd be a bit late in tearing off another piece for him. At this point he'd point to his corndog and grunt. At which point I'd give him another piece. Then it happened. I noticed that he was swallowing the previous piece, so I put another one in front of him. Apparently he wasn't paying attention in that moment, his focus was elsewhere, and he did not notice that I had placed the next piece of corndog in front of him, but below his eye level. He finished swallowing the bite that was in his mouth, turned to me pointed to his corndog and grunted. At this point I pointed back to the piece that was in front of him. He then pointed back at me and grunted again with a bit more passion. I did what I did, then he did what he did (he's got a bit of a stubborn streak, I have no idea where he gets this from :) and finally I picked up the piece that I had placed in front of him and lifted it to his eye level. At this point he took it from me and ate it.

I think there's a lesson in there somewhere, and taught by a twenty month old who can't speak, but can and does communicate very effectively. How often do we lose perspective? How often do we take the posture of "gimme, gimme, gimme!" that we miss out on what's already been given to us? So often the answers or solutions are right in front of us, just not at eye level. We get so busy in being arrogant and then being stubborn about our arrogance that we miss it altogether. Then some of us are engaged in looking up to the heavens for the answers thinking that the solutions are going to to come by raising our eyes higher, when that's really been the problem all along. The solutions are in front of us, but below eye level because it requires humility to look down and bow our heads. Until next time...

Live FREE!

It's just a sandwich.

As some of you may be aware, I'm currently writing a book entitled "The Undustrial Revolution!" For this book, I've been doing quite a bit of research on the economy and the industrial revolution as well as marketing. It's been quite a ride so far, and I can't wait to get the book finished and in your hands. I certainly feel that it is going to be of tremendous value to those who get a chance to read it.

Certainly the industrial revolution was a huge turning point in man's capacity to manipulate resources and crank out products at an unprecedented rate. It also has been a wonder in terms of economic output, and many scholars have made a case for how the overall standard of living has gotten better for the masses due to the production capacity. It can also be looked at as the downfall of man as well, though, in terms of people being used and manipulated for monetary gain at an unprecedented rate. What payoffs we've gained in terms of production certainly seems to have come at a price in terms of people being human beings. We've become human doings, part of the machinery and machines ourselves. Think about how the personnel department has now become human resources. People are now considered resource no different than any other raw material to be used up and thrown aside. I think that we are currently in a stage in human thinking where we are making a move back towards being human beings again all while keeping our capacity to produce...this is what I've termed The Undustrial Revolution.

Part of the issue in my mind has been how we've marvelled at our capacity to produce. Part of the issue has been the narcissistic way in which we've become so fascinated with ourselves. We've focused so much on our capacity to manipulate raw materials and resources and make something out of them that we've lost focus of the fact that we can't make the raw materials. Let me explain. Let's say that you were given some bread, meat, cheese, lettuce and such. What could you make out of that? Well, you'd probably make a sandwich, wouldn't you? You could make many different variations, but in the end it is still a sandwich. It could be a fantastic sandwich, and we could all marvel at how great your sandwich is and even call you a genius when it comes to creating sandwiches. In the process of that we tend to lose sight of the person who created the bread, the meats, the cheeses and grew the lettuce. There's nothing wrong with celebrating the sandwich and the sandwich making genius. In fact let's do that. Let's celebrate the people who make great sandwiches, but let's not forget to celebrate the ones who made the bread, the meat, the cheese and grew the lettuce. In fact let's go right to the source and acknowledge the source where all of it came from. Let's be grateful that we've been given not only the raw materials, but the capacity to manipulate the raw materials. After all, without this source, I'll call this source God, we'd have nothing to manipulate and we wouldn't even have the capacity to manipulate. I think it's awesome that we've produced machines that can fly, buildings that soar in to the sky, and all of the machines that create the machines that crate the machines that make all this stuff. So as we celebrate our capacity to produce as well as the products, let's not lose sight of the fact...it's just a sandwich. Until next time...

Live FREE!

Sinking Toys and Focus

During the summer my children and I spent a great deal of time out at the pool. My oldest, Payton, has been swimming for a couple of summers and Grace, my second child, learned to swim this past summer. Towards the end of this past summer, they both became interested in these toys that sink to the bottom of the pool. The object is to throw these things in, they sink to the bottom and the kids dive in after them and retrieve them. I remember doing that as a child myself, actually I found myself playing with them quite a bit. (It's funny how some things never change)

In the beginning, as much as they wanted to go down and get thoses things, they were having a difficult time with it. They'd dive in the water with their goggles on, and it seemed that as quickly as they dove in they would pop right back up without the toys. Was it a matter of lack of skill? Was this going to take another couple of summers, after all they are still quite young, only six and four? What was it?

I determined that it was focus. My take on the situation was that although initially their intention was to go down and get the toys, when they jumped in the water their focus came off the task at hand and went to the surrounding water and their inability to breathe under water. Think about it, one or two little toys at the bottom or a huge pool of water. It's very easy to focus on the water rather than the toys, you're surrounded by it, it's all around you, you're covered in it, it's certainly bigger than you, and blah, blah, blah. Isn't this a lot like life and the goals we set out on? You want and desire this one thing in life, and you're surrounded by distractions, nay-sayers, circumstances that seem bigger than life. It's very easy to lose your focus isn't it? It especially becomes easy to say things like "I need to go back to school" "I need to get more knowledge" "I need to improve my skills" Perhaps, and then again perhaps you just need to re-direct your focus.

It turned out that my kids didn't need to improve their skills and they didn't need to take another summer or two, nor did they need to get any older. They simply needed to stay focused on the goal. I simply asked them "What do you want?" "The torpedo." "What color is the torpedo?" "The red one." "Which one?" "The red one." "Which one?" "The red one." "Go get it!" and just like that the impossible was done. Until next time...

Live FREE!

Timing

I was taking my son Payton to school this morning, and I was amazed at how crucial timing can be. Let me explain. Yesterday we left the house at 7:30 and he ended up being late to school by twenty minutes. It took fifty minutes to get him to school. This morning we left at 7:00 and we got to his school by 7:35. It took thirty-five minutes. We traveled the same distance on two different occasions, yet one day it took fifty minutes the next day only thirty-five. Haven't you experienced something similar in your life? It seems that there is a window of opportunity in life that when you jump on it everything works out well, yet if you miss that window of opportunity it doesn't exactly work out well. Think about the trip to my son's school. By leaving half an hour earlier we saved fifteen minutes on the trip. Yeah I know, what's fifteen minutes, right? Well in terms of time it doesn't seem like much, but in terms of percentage it's huge. Fifteen minutes is 30% of fifty minutes, which would mean we saved that much time by getting an early start. Okay, what am I getting at?

Now, let's look at your life and mine. What if success in life had something to do with timing? Not so much because timing is everything in terms of getting to where you want to get to. After all we did still get to the school, just late. Let's look at business. Certainly you could get a McDonald's franchise now and still be successful with it, but it wouldn't be the same rate of return on investment as it would be if you had gotten one thirty years ago. The opportunity is different now. What about health and fitness? Well if you started and kept it up when you were young, it would be easier than if you started in your thirties. Again you could still reach a high level of fitness in your thirties, but the task would be harder. What about learning an instrument? Certainly learning at an earlier age has its advantages.

Back to the school situation as a metaphor. I'll be honest with you, there was a moment we were moving so slowly that I wasn't sure when we'd get to his school, and I thought about turning around and taking him back home. The logic was I don't know when we're going to get there. He could end up being an hour late, in which case, what's the point. Perhaps that is the kind of thinking that sets in for people when they get up against an obstacle while pursuing their goals.

Using the examples I've given regarding business, health and musical instruments, the later you start there are certain things that become obstacles to overcome that would not have existed at an earlier age. Time especially. In my life, for example, I started playing the piano at an early age and I had a ton of time to practice. Now as an adult I would need to rearrange a bunch of things and carve out the time. I want to be very clear about this, it can still be done, but the challenges are greater and it's these challenges that are so easy to give in to.

How about this one, haven't you had one of those great ideas that you thought was THE IDEA, and you did nothing with it. What happened over time? You probably talked yourself out of it, right? Either that or you allowed someone else to talk you out of it, right? or You put it on the back burner so long that you eventually just forgot about it, right? Only later when you wre walking through the mall to find YOUR IDEA at a kiosk making money for someone else did you remember it, again. Only too late.

So what of all this and timing? Well one of the unique things about great timing is that you only realize you capitalized on it or you missed out on it in hindsight. Like in my example about taking my son to school, I learned from experience. How can you absolutely know if the timing is right or not? You won't know if you don't go, so my take on it is this...NOW! NOW is the best time, while the idea is fresh, while the passion is strong, the desire is hot! Here's what else I've experienced, by taking action NOW you create opportunity and an opportunity seized is an opportunity created. What do I mean? Every time you take action, a new opportunity opens up. Metaphorically speaking, you can't get to the next door until you open and walk through the one that's in front of you...NOW!!

Live FREE!

Did you vote?

Did you vote today? I'd like you to consider the idea of voting with me. Not just on election day, but how it is that we all have a vote every day, don't we? We vote every day with our money and with our time. How serious do you take this responsibility? We vote when we cut someone off on the freeway. We vote when we allow someone to merge in front of us. We vote when we make time for our children, just like we vote when we make something more important. We vote when we pass by a stranger on the side of a road, just like we vote when we decide to stop for that person.

Certainly we all hold an enormous amount of power with our right to vote as citizens of this country, but we also hold an enormous amount of power with our capacity to vote with our dollars. What we spend our money on is a vote for a company and the products that they offer. What we don't spend our money on is a vote against a company and the products that they offer. We allow businesses to stay in business and go out of business with our voting dollars. We vote when we buy products made in this country and when we don't. This allows jobs to exist or not.

We vote everyday in ways big and in ways small. How are you using your votes every day? What are you voting for, and are you making your votes count? Until next time...

Live FREE!

More than a feeling...

I decided to write on this subject, because someone I know on his blog talked about the idea of how people have love as this unavoidable feeling that comes over them. He made a great point that it's about choice. Here are my thoughts about love, and how it relates to being a fundamental component of successful living.

Love as a fundamental component of must be engaged as a verb not just some feeling you have. Until you take action and the results show up outside of you I would not call it love. Let's consider this... imagine for a moment that you have all these feelings of love for someone, but you do nothing about it and if they were asked if they felt loved by you they say they don't, is this love? If I say that I love my wife, but I do nothing for her and she doesn't feel loved by me, is this love? If I say I love you, but I continue to behave in ways that have you feel unloved, is this love? If I say I love my children, but I'm engaged in behavior that belittles them and has them feel small and insignificant, is this love? I can tell myself over and over again that I love someone or something, but ultimately I am not the judge of my love, someone else is. In the communication of love there is the transmitter and the receiver. As the transmitter of the message, it is up to me to send the message in a manner that makes sense to the receiver.

The flip side of this is if I love someone, then I make the effort to see the love in the things that person does for me. What does this mean? Well, I'm not in to somebody cooking for me, but I also get that some people express their love and affection by cooking for people. If I'm with someone who cooks for me as an expression of love, then I get to receive that show of love. I can certainly make some requests for things that I like, rather than the cooking thing, but just because the other person doesn't change their behavior for me doesn't mean the other person doesn't love me. They are simply expressing their love for me in a manner that makes sense for them. As the receiver of the transmission, it is up to me to decipher the coded message from the transmitter. Does this mean that I can decipher any message to be an expression of love? Yes, and we'll talk more about that when we discuss responsibility.

What about loving oneself? Let's think it through. In the case of loving oneself, then I am both the transmitter and receiver. If I say I love myself, but am not taking care of myself and doing things to harm myself, then ultimately the message I'm sending and receiving from myself would not be one of love, would it?

What about the love of things? Again, if I love the game of football, then I will be in action about it, watching it, playing it, coaching it, etc. If I love cars, then I gain possession of them, work on them, drive them. There is something being done on my part regarding the thing I love that would be evidence beyond mere talk. How do you know if someone "loves" their work, they are engaged in it with a level of passion that almost anyone who witnesses it would agree.

Ultimately love like many other things that we simply have as emotions is about much more than just emotions. It's about the corresponding actions and the results of those actions, isn't it? So what do you love? Look at what you do? Love unexpressed could hardly be called love. Love is only love when the expression of that love is made, and it is gotten by someone other than just you. So if you love someone or something, the question isn't whether or not you feel love, the question is can they feel your love? Consider this, until they get it, it isn't.

Until next time...

Live FREE!

Do you really need a bigger, better set of tools?

We are so programmed as people to look outside ourselves for the answers, that we don't even stop to consider that there may be a whole new possibility. If you're like most people I've encountered in my life when you were little you couldn't wait to be older. Why? Because you had certain ideas about freedom and making your own decisions, etc. Think of all the milestones you reached becoming an adult. There was middle school, right? Then there was high school. There was the driver's license. There was graduating from high school. There was turning eighteen. All these markers along the way. Just waiting to be an adult, so you could be your own man or woman. Oh yeah, what about turning twenty-one, huh? That was exciting, wasn't it?

Of course you probably had a job or two somewhere in there, but those were just temporary places you worked until you graduated school to start on your actual career, right? Then the day came when you became an adult, remember? Maybe not like a date in history, but you probably have some vague recollection at least, yes? Perhaps your entry in to adulthood had little fanfare. Now think back to the day you got your first "real" job, remember? Wasn't it awesome? All the dreams you had were going to come true, right? Then something peculiar happened, didn't it? The vast majority of people experience some level of frustration, upset, lack of fulfillment and some just downright hate that job after a while, for whatever reason. Terrible work, horrible boss, bad conditions, etc. So what's usually the solution for people? Well they get a different job, don't they. For a while it's great, then what? Same thing. The cycle repeats over and over again. Perhaps the reason is that all the jobs in the world are bad. Perhaps the answer is a girlfriend or a boyfriend. So you get one of those, and for a while it's great. Then something happens. They're not what you thought they were, somehow they've changed. You leave that one for another. Then this repeats over and over. Perhaps you just need to settle down and get married. Oops you married the wrong one. Divorce number one, then two, then three. Perhaps the answer is a car, a house. Perhaps you need to start your own business, be your own boss.

What's the answer? Well, perhaps we need to start with the basics here. Perhaps the perception that "the problem is out there, therefore I need to change all this stuff outside of me" is the problem. Perhaps we need to start by taking a good look at ourselves. After all in every one of the above mentioned scenarios the one constant is you. You keep showing up in every one of those moments. No mater where you are in life, there you are.

The next time you think the problem is someone else or the situation you find yourself in is the problem, consider the possibility that the way you look at the other or your situation may really be the issue. Then change your perspective and see what happens. This isn't really about being good, and it's certainly not even about doing the right thing. It's really about efficiency and effectiveness. Think about this, if you need to to have everything outside of you to change so you can be happy, fulfilled, etc. you may be waiting for a long, long, long time. You can try to change a bunch of things that you have little to no control over, or you can simply change the one thing you have complete control over, you. Until next time...

Live FREE!

Only those willing to go too far will know how far they can go.

A few weeks ago, a good friend of mine, Ana Davalos, invited me out to speak to a group of people who were training to run on behalf of the leukemia and lymphoma society. It's certainly one of those win/win opportunities. They raise money to help fund research in finding a cure for this type of cancer and who knows what those findings could do in terms of supporting other cures. The participants get to do something that is challenging in two ways, physically by actually participating in the run and just as important the fund-raising part which may actually be the tougher part. The training certainly helps them get in to shape. It creates jobs for the people who actually work for the organization. It creates mentor and mentee relationships for the volunteer coaches and participants, after all besides the physical aspects of running long distances there's definitely the mental, emotional and psychological aspects which are just as, if not more, important. In many ways a win for many people involved.

That morning I talked a bit about "The Kim Family Mottos" which I will share with you at a later date. I also participated that morning on their eight mile training/practice run. We did three minutes of running followed by one minute of walking, and we kept on doing this until we had completed the eight miles. I gotta tell you it was more difficult than I thought it was going to be, but I did it. The main reason I decided to participate that morning was because I had been telling myself for a while that I was going to start running again, but for whatever reason I kept putting it off. What I do know is that a journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step, but I also know that the first step can be and usually is the toughest. I figured that by taking this first step it would get me on track. Which is the first of three things I'd like to talk about. If you're having trouble getting started, perhaps you can create an opportunity to get you started. For me, I'm a bit of a performer, so when there are other people around, especially those I've told I'm going to do something, I do it. It's almost impossible for me to back out. The way you do it is not that important, it is to know yourself well enough to put yourself in a position of opportunity.

The second thing is the support of others, and utilizing it. The truth is that I hadn't run for more than one mile in over four years. Exercising has not been that high on my list of priorities. If left up to just me, I'm certain I would not have done those eight miles. What I realized that morning is the idea of strength in numbers. I got a ton of support from the other people who were running that morning. I got to support them back as well; however, not everyone finished the eight miles. Although the support was around them they either chose not to lean on that support or perhaps something was off for them that day. For me I was clear in my goal that morning, and that was to complete the eight miles, so I was going to lean on all of the support and coaching I could get. I certainly don't think I could have made it without it, but I'm equally as certain that I would not have relied on it without having the big goal in front of me. What occurs to me is that we all have a ton of support, but don't see it or utilize it because we're not up to anything that big. Perhaps some of us would rather complain about not having enough support than actually getting it done?

Only those willing to go too far will know how far they can go. As I stated earlier I was not in shape to do it, but until I took on the challenge I would never have known. There's theory and concept. There's also the truth. The truth is what is known only after the fact. In theory and concept I thought I could do it. The truth of whether I could do it or not would only be revealed once the challenge was taken on. I found out the truth that day, that as poor a shape as I was in I could run/walk eight miles. I also found out that it would take me about a week to fully recover. :) These are only things I discovered after the fact. From this experience, I believe that I can go even further and I believe that this was a valuable experience in going forward with my life. Of course that remains to be seen, though. Only time will tell. There's a profound difference between knowing about and knowing.

Until next time...

Live FREE!

The Secondary Effect Is Of Primary Importance

I've been a parent for nearly seven years, and one of the things I purposed even before I became a parent was to be a good example. Of course this is not just talking about being a good parent, but really about being the best human being I can be. It occured to me a while back, and still occurs to me today, that it's not enough to teach good lessons, but to be the lessons that we teach. For example, if you want your kids to grow up and not smoke, it's not enough that you talk about not smoking you've got to set the example by not smoking yourself. If you want your kids to exercise and be active, it's not enough to talk about those things you've got to exercise and be active yourself. Makes sense, right? But why is this so important?

Because the secondary or silent lesson that is being taught is of primary importance. Every time you teach someone a lesson and are being the lesson yourself, the underlying message that you're not saying but still sending is that you are a person of integrity. You practice what you preach, and because you are a person of integrity you can be trusted. It creates clarity for the people you are teaching. It creates an evironment of trust. You also are teaching the people that you value integrity. It seems that people learn values not so much through words, but through works.

Now, think back to when you were a child, especially as you became a teenager, wasn't it one of your biggest complaints about adults that they did not practice what they preached? It was for me. There's something about that just rubs people. Think about what happens if the above is true about being the lesson. If what you're teaching and doing are not lining up, then the underlying message you're sending is probably something like, "It's not important to do what you say." It certainly creates confusion, doesn't it? You also send the message that you don't value integrity, and this certainly creates an environment where lying becomes okay.

The questions are obvious, but I'll ask them anyways. Are your actions lining up with your words? What kind of environment have you been creating? What kind of environment do you want to create? Are you willing to critically examine yourself so that you start creating a high performance environment and culture for whatever level of organization you're leading? Until next time...

Live FREE!

You can't get to whole from incomplete.

Why do you do what you do? It's amazing when I consider all of the interactions that I've had with the thousands of people I've run across in my lifetime how so many of these people do things as a way to get somewhere. Usually the somewhere people are trying to get to is some level of completion. Let me explain.

The vast majority of thought processes goes something like this: I'm not happy, and the reason I'm not happy is because something is missing in my life. Therefore I need to have that something, and once I have that something then I will be happy.

Here's another one: I'm not successful because I don't have these things in my life. Therefore, I need to accumulate these things, and once I have accumulated these things then I will be successful. What are some of these things? How about a certain level of income, a house, a house in the "right" neighborhood, a title at work, number of books published, a degree from school, etc.

Sounds pretty normal, doesn't it? After all it's that something that is the cause of our feelings therefore if I have that or don't have that then that will change how I feel. Life is for the vast majority of people a cause and effect scenario, a series of "if...then" statements. What if the premise was off? What if the premise that it's the thing that causes the experience was inaccurate to begin with? I mean let's think this through. Some people think a certain type of car will have them feel successful or significant, yet we all know that there was a time when cars did not exist. Did all of those people who lived before cars existed feel unsuccessful or insignificant? Probably not, right? In fact the whole idea is absurd, isn't it?

Now you may be thinking that it doesn't make sense for a car, but it does make sense for other things. So let's just test it out? Think of whatever it is that you think you need to have you feel better. Consider the possibility now that you may feel better, but everyone else may or may not feel any better. No, really! So is it the thing or is it that, for whatever reason, you've given that thing enough value in your life that it can have an effect on how you feel? I'll never forget this one time during one of my seminars when a woman was absolutely unconvinced, and said what about Disneyland? I said something like, "Believe it or not some people hate Disneyland." She would not believe me, but then some of the other participants were of the opinion that Disneyland was the worst place in the world. (By the way, I love Disneyland!)

So what am I saying, that it's wrong to want and desire things ouside of you? Not at all. Want everything you want as long as it doesn't infringe on others getting what they want or hurting others in the process of getting what you want. Just be aware that the thing you want may or may not give you the experience that you're looking for, and if it does it usually only lasts for a short while. Especially be careful of being caught in the trap that somehow something outside of you will complete you, make you whole.

Did you ever see that movie Jerry Maguire? As romantic as people thought it was to have Tom Cruise say to Renee Zellweger, "You complete me.", the thought of it is pretty ominous, that I need someone else to complete me. And think of the pressure the other person must feel that they must complete you. How about this thought, you are whole and complete and nothing and no one added can make you more than you are and nothing or no one taken away can make you less than you are. Think about that. If you start with the premise that you are incomplete, you'll never get to complete. The premise and the thought will never allow your completion to occur. You can't be more of what you already are, and you can't be less of what you already are. Now go and enjoy life, all of it the ups, the downs, the good times, the struggles...all of it. Oh, and get everything you want out of life. Until next time...

Live FREE!

How's your PMA?

The other day, my kids were watching a show on the PBS kids website for Ruff Ruffman, some kind of a reality game show for kids. One of the challenges they faced involved some wilderness survival training. I forgot the name of the guy, but apparently he's some expert on surviving in the wild. If I remember correctly he's trained some big names including the Air Force.

As he was beginning his training with the kids, he asked them what they thought were essential to surviving in the wild, and I ask you the same question now, what is essential to surviving in the wild? Really think about it. You probably said something like shelter, clothing, food, water, etc. Quite frankly, so did the kids on the show. They were correct in their answers and so are you, but there is something that they all missed. More than likely you missed it, too.

It had me think about how we as people are so programmed to think of things as the answers to our situations. How often do we think about things as the solution to our survival in the everyday "wilderness"? When we're struggling in life our tendency is to do what? We look for answers in more money, a better job, a better house, a better car, a better partner, don't we? I'm not saying that those things may not help, but we very rarely start with the invisible. I use football analogies all the time, and here's one for you. It used to be that most football programs used the I formation, then it went to some other formation, and now everyone runs the spread offense. Nothing wrong with the formations and philosophical ideologies that have changed over the years, but the question is this, Is it the formations and ideologies or the belief in it that makes the difference? After all, at some point if everyone is running the spread offense, then all of the advantage is really wiped out, isn't it. What it comes down to is execution, and what does execution come down to? Practice? Well, yeah, but what does that come down to?

It comes down to the invisible, doesn't it? It's what we call the intangibles like commitment, work-ethic, attitude, perseverence and persistence. These are the things that show up in action, but think about how little or if ever you check your mindset on a moment to moment basis during the day. If you're like most people you get caught up in the doing and never consider your attitude, don't you? So the next time you find yourself struggling, perhaps rather than simply working harder, what's most important is to check your attitude. As I'm sure you've figured out by now, what the survival expert said was more imortant than anything else and comes first before everything else is PMA - Positive Mental Attitude. So, how's your PMA, right now?

Until next time...

Live FREE!

Starbucks can't serve a hot drink? (Part 2)

As I begin this second part of the Starbucks story, I'd like you to consider that how we respond to any set of circumstances or situations is very telling of how we see the world fundamentally and therefore this overall world view allows for certain interpretations of the random events of life. Consider that your responses, especially the automatic reactions are a window in to your interpretations of events and the interpretations of events is a window in to the larger generalities that you live your life by. These broad generalities create the context of your life or the context called you. Consider that no matter where you are the environment called you goes with you. Therefore the random events you run in to are opportunities to see you.

I've said quite a bit there, but I want you to get what it is I'm writing. The reason being that often people want to learn some skill, what to do and how to do it. Although many things in life can be improved through imrpoved skills, a lot of dealing with other people on a day to day basis is not so much about skill, but about perspective. To give you an example, let's say you walked in to your house to find a pile of dishes in the sink and your spouse on the couch watching a show with your kids, how would you respond? Really consider. How you respond to this situation is not so much based on skill, but more in the realm of perception of what is going on. If you perceive your spouse is simply loafing around and being lazy, this would open up a set of responses and close off another set of responses. If you perceive your spouse is simply spending a bit of time with the kids before he/she starts on the dishes a whole different set of responses now become available, the ones that would not be available with the other perspective. And of course there are more perspectives than just those two.

Now let's consider the Starbucks incident. What was going on with the other people who left in different levels of upset? We could make some assessments of these people couldn't we? As you read this, if you see yourself relating with the people who left upset you may want to really look at how it is you view yourself and the world you live in. The main thing I'd like you to consider is that the situation and events did not create the reactions, the people did. If the situation was the thing that was in control, then every person in that situation would behave the same way. As I finish the story, there were people who responded very differently than walk away upset or angry. In fact, these two people (one of whom was me) actaully created a pretty cool solution, so here's what happened...

Once I got over the initial surprise, I simply said loudly and clearly to the people who were working that morning, "How can we create a solution, there has to be one?" Upon this invitation to solve the situation with me I received input from three workers. The first was to get a cold drink, I did not go with that one. The next was to go to another location, I didn't feel I had the time for that and still make it to meet with my staff on time. The third was to purchase a travel cup. Initially I was not expecting to pay $11 that morning plus $3.55 for my drink, but it was an option and that's the one I went with. I grabbed a cup I liked, walked to the counter and asked for a discount. I ended up getting the travel cup for $5.50, and I found out that morning that when you purchase a travel cup your first drink is on the house. When you consider that I was planning on spedning $3.55 that morning, all in all it was actually a pretty darn good solution. Yeah I spent $1.95 more than I intended on spening, but it all worked out. I got my drink, I got a new travel cup, I made it to my meeting on time. I high-fived the people who were working that morning for helping me come up with a solution, which i think helped them turn a not-so-great situation in to a not-so-bad situation. The last person who benefitted was the guy who just happened to be standing near me as all of this was occuring who asked for and got the same deal. Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good, I guess.

I'd like you to consider that this solution was in theory and concept available to every single person who walked in to this situation. In reality, though it was only available to two people, me and the other guy. In theory and concept creating successful solutions is available to everyone in every situation, but due to the perspective we bring to every event of our lives success is in reality not available to most people. I hope that made some sense to you. So are you about solutions or are you about complaining? Are you about getting it done or about excuses? We all walked out of Starbuck that morning with stories to tell, didn't we. Most people told stories about how life did it to them, again. Two people walked out with stories of how they overcame. Which story are you writing with your life? Until next time...

Live FREE!

Starbucks can't serve a hot drink?

A few months ago, I walked in to a Starbucks Coffee place and was faced with a situation that I was not expecting.

It was a Saturday morning during one of my Access To Power weekends. As I have grown accustomed to do on Saturday and Sunday mornings of these weekends, I drove to the establishment down the street from my facility to order myself a hot grande chai tea latte, no water. This usually occurs around 8:00am, as I meet with my staff at 8:30am to prepare for the day. Sometimes one of the staff picks up my drink for me, but on this morning I decided to take it upon myself to get my own drink.

As I walked in, strolled to the counter and ordered my drink, I was told "We can't serve you that drink, sir." As I was thinking to myself, "Where am I? Am I at Starbucks? Are they out of chai?" The same voice told me that the reason I could not get the drink of my choice was because they did not have any lids due to the delivery truck running late. Since hot drinks had to have lids, they could not sell me my hot drink. As I was weighing my options, several people walked in to the same set of circumstances that I had just walked in to. In a very short period of time, probably about ten or more people came in and left. What I noticed was how every single one of them were leaving expressing some level of upset, frustration, and anger. One woman, as I recall, was downright hostile. What was I to do? How was I going to handle this situation?

Certainly there were many options that were in front of me. What would you do? How would you handle it? Would you be like all these other people and walk out upset, perhaps even angry? or Would you be one who handles it in such a manner that you create a win, not only for yourself but for others as well? Think about that until next time...

Live FREE!

Attraction, relationship, influence, persuasion and leadership

Have you ever noticed children at play? It's always fascinating to me to go to the park with my children and watch how it is that children make friends, play with eachother and part ways saying "My new friend..." when the likelihood of them ever seeing eachother is pretty slim.

Recently, I was at the park with my children, and I noticed a few things about how my children attract other children and how that leads to all kinds of opportunities for play. Let me start by saying that my son Payton and my daughter Grace are nothing alike when it comes to personality. They are very different, yet in terms of attraction, influence, persuasion and leadership they are both very effective.

We'll start with Grace, my four year old. Grace approaches other kids and simply starts up a conversation. She'll say something like, "Hi! Let's play!" or "Hi, I'm Grace, what's your name?" The other day we were at a Toys R Us, she was sitting in a pink Cadillac Escalade Power Wheel (This doesn't bode well for my future), saw another girl walking by and said, "Hi, come sit next to me!" It's certainly more traditional, and there are times when she hears the word NO. (She doesn't like it, by the way, which creates great teachable moments! :) ) Once the relationship is established what I've noticed is that not only does she influence the other kids, but they also influence her as well. This leads to persuasion and leadership at its most basic level.

Payton is very different. He doesn't care to make friends. What he does is generate a ton of energy. He engages in whatever he is doing at such a level that his energy simply attracts other kids. Not always, but more often than not. He very rarely hears the word NO, because he's not really out to make friends. His level of energy simply creates the opportunity for relationship. Once this occurs the possibility of influence, persuasion and leadership is created as well.

Both approaches work, and neither were taught. They're both simply being themselves. How would you like to know the key to leadership, persuasion and influence? Ultimately before you can lead, persuade or influence anyone you must relate. In order for you to relate with others you must be relate-able/approachable/attractive. It seems to me that attractive people are people who are comfortable in their own skin.

My kids as well as almost all children are attractive not simply because they're so cute, but they don't know how not to be comfortable with themselves. Of course we as a society will do our best to have them be totally uncomfortable with themselves as they reach adulthood, as so many of us have experienced. But rather than learning a bunch of new techniques and skills, perhaps what's truly required is simply to remember. Remember that we're okay. Remember that we have tremendous value, not because of anything we can do, but simply because we are people. Without getting in to sounding too hoaky, consider this for today...you are enough.

Until next time...

Live FREE!

What are the fundamentals of life?

If you're to ask most people who've succeeded at anything, they almost always talk about the fundamentals. There are the fundamentals to baseball, football, golf. People get wowed and awed by the fancy displays and big plays, but the ones who know, know that it's the basics done well that ultimately lead to a win. Which begs the question, if you want to win the game of life, what are the fundamentals a person must master?

I'm certainly no expert, but here are some things that I think fall in to this category:

Vision
Love
Responsibility
Commitment
Faith
Integrity
Persistence
Team
Stewardship
Enrollment

In the upcoming weeks I will touch on each of these. I'm sure you have your own ideas about what these words mean, but I will do my best in the limited capacity of the written word in explaining what each of these means to me. In the mean time, I'd love to hear from you as well. What do you perceive these words to mean? What do you think is missing from this list? What do you think is unnecessary? What are the fundamentals that you live by?

Until next time...

Live FREE!

Pick-up football game

A few months ago I found myself involved in a pick-up game of football with some members of my Church. Have you ever noticed how these seemingly insignificant situations create an environment which brings out certain instincts in people? I'll admit to you, I have this ridiculously competitive side to me. It doesn't matter if it's a board game with friends or video games with my kids, what kicks in for me is "WIN!!!! WHATEVER IT TAKES...WIN!!!!" It was no different on that day. Although the body no longer responds the way it used to when I was 20, the competitive fire in me still burns unbelievably hot. Which created the perfect environment for me to learn some lessons about life that I feel compelled to share with you.

1. Have an outcome in mind. Obviously my outcome was to win. Because of this desired outcome I was strategizing and planning. I once read an article in a golf publication that suggested you play for money the next time you're out on the course. The premise was that even if you had just a dollar or two on the line, because the stakes were higher your concentration level would go up. I think that this is quite valid. Which would have you...

2. Gather information and figure out what your resources are, utilize the information to formulate a strategy and execute. Very quickly I figured out who on my team could catch, run, etc. Once that information was gathered I knew who would be my go-to people and who would be playing more supportvie roles. During a pick-up game? Of course. Why would I go to such great lengths during a pick-up game? The actions I was taking were being dictated by the desired outcome.

3. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. As much as I wanted to perform, the reality of the situation was that I am no longer in the kind of shape that allows me to do what I want to. Perhaps it has something to do with age, but it certainly has a whole lot to do with simply being out of shape. Perhaps you have great dreams and desires in life, but what you may be missing are skill sets. That's certainly possible, and brings me to the next point...

4. If you're committed you'll find a way. It won't happen over night, but it will happen. As a result of that day, I decided to get back in to shape. Now I may never get back to the level of fitness I had at 22, but I can get to the best possible level for me at 42. It's amazing that once I made the decision to get back in shape, how easy it was to find the time to do it. Whereas before I could never find the time, but I could always find excuses. :) So the questions I have for you are...

In life are you playing to win or just playing? Are you utilizing your resources? Do you need to improve your skill sets or even take on new ones? and Finally, are you committed or just involved?

There's more, but we'll save those for some other time. Until next time...

Live FREE!

Understanding before action?

In my last blog I talked a bit about syntax and the ordering together of things and related that to commitment first and handling the considerations or circumstances second. Essentially the idea is that without the commitment circumstances will always seem too big to handle; however, with commitment you can work out almost any set of circumstances.

One of the circumstances or considerations that people usually have in not taking new action is that they want to understand something before they do it. Sometimes they want to know if there is another way to do it. To give you an example, let's say you came to me and wanted coaching on becoming a great public speaker. More than likely I'd say something like, "Great, let's go jump out of an airplane, go skydiving!" You might think I'm crazy and ask me how skydiving has anything to do with public speaking. You'd want a rational explanation of how the process works or gain some understanding to the methodology first. Completely understandable and completely reasonable. I'm not so nuts that I think your thought process is unreasonable, but in my mind that's exactly the issue, it's reasonable. It's this line of reasonable thinking that has people stuck. They want something to make sense to them before they take new action. Well let's think about this completely irrational yet reasonable thinking process that many people think is rational.

You've never been good at something, so you go to someone who is good at something to get coaching. They give you coaching and you question the coaching. You even go so far as to believe that it won't work. Perhaps you will say something to me like, "No I just want you to teach me what to do with my hands, make sure I'm not moving them too much, and count how many times I say 'Um' and 'Uh' and 'Ah'. Can we just do that?" (I've actually had these conversations, by the way) This all begs the question in my mind, "How in the world would you even have any clue as to what works or doesn't work or what you need or don't need, when you aren't any good at what you want to get good at and that's why you sought out coaching in the first place?" Are you with me? Most people think that reasonable and rational are the same things. Clearly they are not! Is it perhaps that you are using the reasonable "understanding" conversation simply to mask your fears? After all what I'm asking you to do doesn't fit in to that little box of thinking you have, and perhaps breaking through those fears is exactly what is wanted and needed, much more important than any new skills you could learn.

Here's what I've learned and experienced. Do it first and then the understanding will come. What I've also learned and experienced with people is that if someone is committed to an outcome, then they really don't care about how to get it done; they just do it. They don't stop to understand why they should do something; they just do it. The ones who've succeeded in working with me are the ones who move at the speed of coaching. I say jump and they just start jumping. I think the ones who are truly committed to an outcome are that coachable. Are you that committed to an outcome or are you just giving it lip service? I know if you're committed or not simply by how quickly you respond to new direction. If you're moving as the words are coming out of my mouth, you're committed. If you're attempting to understand before taking action, I know that you're not. It's that black and white from my perspective.

Perhaps the understanding will never come, but the results will. In which case how important is the understanding? Does it really matter? Do you want the understanding or the results? I don't fully understand how a lot of things work, but I enjoy the results. As someone very wise once told me, "Knowledge doesn't necessarily lead to action, but action will always lead to knowledge!"

Until next time...

Live FREE!

Syntax

From Wikipedia: In linguistics, syntax (from Ancient Greek σύνταξις "arrangement" from σύν syn, "together", and τάξις táxis, "an ordering") is the study of the principles and rules for constructing sentences in natural languages.

Basically what I'm getting at here is the ordering together of things, not necessarily language. There are certain things when done in the correct order work out very well, yet when not done in order they don't seem to work out at all. Just as an example you could have all of the ingredients for a cake, but there's an order in which things must be done. Makes sense, right? You need to put the ingredients together and then put it in the oven. Sounds incredibly simple, doesn't it?

However, what I've noticed with people is that when it comes to commitment they usually want to work out the details before they commit. Try to tell me you don't live this way? Have you ever noticed that things never seem to work themselves out just right so that you can get to the goals you want to achieve? Well, consider the possibility that the circumstances and situations and challenges of your life will never work themselves out for you. It's not personal. Life is not out to get you. It's just doing what life does.

What am I saying? It's never a question of the circumstances and considerations working themselves out, it's always a question of "ARE YOU TRULY COMMITTED?" I would go so far as to say that until you get committed to what you want, you'll never handle your circumstances. However, haven't you also had the experience of just saying to yourself I'm gonna do whatever it takes, no matter what, and then handling the challenges. Haven't you looked back and asked yourself, how did I do that? Well it seems to me that when one is truly committed amazing things happen. At a level of commitment called "BE AND DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!" miraculous things can start to happen. Would you like to experience miracles in your life? GET COMMITTED!

"But when I said that nothing had been done I erred in one important matter. We had definitely committed ourselves and were halfway out of our ruts. We had put down our passage money--booked a sailing to Bombay. This may sound too simple, but is great in consequence. Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets:

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!"

-W. H. Murray in The Scottish Himalaya Expedition, 1951.

Until one is committed, even in the best of circumstances, they see nothing but obstacles and reasons why something won't work. However, someone in the same set of circumstances when truly committed will see opportunity after oportunity and reasons why it will work. So are you committed or just involved? If you keep seeing obstacles...well you know the answer. Perhaps what your dreams need from you right now is for you to simply draw that line in the sand, step over and never look back!

Until next time...

Live FREE!

Giving starts when...

you decide that you're committed to being a giver.

I know that this is contrary to how I was raised. I was told things like, "how can you give when you don't have enough for your self, that's stupid. Make a lot and then when you have more than enough for your self, then you can give." Have you ever noticed that whenever you say things like "I just need $500 more a month, then I'll be fine." Then you get that $500 more a month and it's still not fine? How's that possible? Then you think just $500 more, then that day comes and it's still not enough. What if that day never comes? Here's a different question: What if that day will never come because the thought process of lack will never allow you to see that you already have more than enough?

You can wait for the day whenever this arbitrary amount called "enough" shows up on your door step, or you can simply purpose yourself to be a giver because you choose abundance.

Either way you'll be right. The question is what is the residual effect you want to have in this world. Do you want to be about lack and scarcity and what that creates or do you want to be about prosperity and abundance and what that creates?

Until next time...

Live FREE!

So what does it take...really?

What's in the way of you accomplishing what you want?

Lack of money? Perhaps. Not enough time in a day? Too many things on your plate? How about not enough education or the right upbringing? What about...it's just not meant for people like you? or It's just not the right time, the timing is not good right now? Maybe you're just waiting for things to be just right, you're one of these "as long as" or "when this happens...then I will..." people.

Most people when posed with this question will inevitably name some set of circumstances and situations as to why they haven't accomplished what they want or haven't started on what they want. Let me ask you, what if that wasn't it? Really? What if all of the reasons and excuses you keep making weren't the real issue? I know, in your mind those things really seem like the reasons why not to, but just consider the question. What if that's just your mind playing tricks on you? What if your mind was so powerful that it can come up with these great stories to cover up what's really stopping you? What might the stories be covering up? What if the stories were just stories, and you could author new ones?

Until next time...

Live FREE!

Change and Rescue

"Most people hate change so much that they're willing to lose. We hated losing so much that we were willing to change."

Change. It seems to me that most people get to a point in their life that they resist change so much that they end up losing in big ways rather than simply changing. What is this all about?

I was at a seminar not too long ago, and the people who were talking made what I would consider some profound observations, one of which is noted above. The second thing that I found to be quite profound I will share with you at the end. Before I do let's consider a few things.

How often do we sit around and wait for the solution, or someone simply hands us the solution and we don't even put it in to play? We get more caught up in figuring out why it won't work than just simply giving it a shot. It seems to me that at some point you've got to swim your drowning butt over to the lifesaver that was thrown your way, but most people are too busy complaining that it wasn't thrown close enough to them. I don't care if you need to lose weight, get a job, make your first million dollars...if you want things to change then you've got to change! I don't mean to come down on anyone, I believe people have tremendous potential and that you can accomplish all kinds of amazing things. After all the same human genious that figured out how to get a man to the moon and back resides in all of us, but the truth is that the you that is going to have your dreams come true probably isn't the you that's currently reading this. If it was, you'd already have it accomplished. Somehow you've got to unleash this locked-up potential! I think one of the worst compliments some one could give you is, "You have tremendous potential." It means they see something bigger in you and you haven't lived up to it. So, I've got to tell you, "You have tremendous potential!"

So what was this profound thing? Here it is, and seriously consider: "Are you willing to participate in your own rescue?"

Until next time...

Live FREE!

The difference

I was at a large retailer the other day and was grinding my coffee at the coffee grinder. Once I was done grinding the coffee I needed to seal the bag back up. The retailer provided a roll of clear packaging tape and scissors to accomodate this procedure. Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to find that spot where the tape roll begins on one of those rolls of clear packing tape? Well after fumbling with it for a bit I finally found it, stretched out a piece of tape long enough to tape the bag shut, cut it off, sealed up the bag, and then took two seconds to fold over the tape so that the next person wouldn't have to fumble with the tape as I had done. Did that make a difference with the next person?

I then was in the parking lot pulling out when I noticed a woman push her cart in to an empty parking space just two spaces away from where her car was parked. Have you ever had the experience of seeing an open parking space, went to pull in just to find out that someone had left a shopping cart in that space and you're left with the choice of getting out and moving the cart or finding another space? I also noticed that to the other side of her car just five spaces away was the area specifically designed for the shopping carts to be put in to. Did this make a difference with the next person?

So how does someone make a difference? Consider that you are always making a difference, the question is what is the difference you're making? Until next time...

Live FREE!

An excerpt from my upcoming book "The Undustrial Revolution!"

The system of education as it exists currently, by design or by accident, seems to strip away a child’s natural desire to learn. By the time children are indoctrinated in to this environment they no longer have a desire to learn, but rather the game becomes how can I do the least amount of work possible to get the best grades possible so I can get by. Even the ones who do their best, the game is about getting good grades, and not necessarily to learn and to grow. By the time these children grow up and become adults they take this level of thinking in to the work force. They do the least amount of work possible for the biggest possible paycheck, or do their best for a paycheck. There is no pride of work, desire to grow and expand their capacities. The typical employee gives the least of their efforts and talents for the purpose of collecting the biggest possible check. The typical employer gives the smallest check possible for the purpose of getting the most amount of work. This is not a win/win environment where people are driven by vision and purpose, but a lose/lose environment where the driving force is surviving, getting by. Everyone is simply up to collecting a paycheck. It’s such a normal experience that, even as you read these words, you are more than likely saying to yourself, “Yeah, and so what?”

What do you do?

It's interesting...I met quite a few people over the weekend at an expo. It's always interesting to me during these interactions how people react when asked the simplest of questions. Well...consider the following question and answer it out loud as you're reading this, okay? What do you do?

Did you answer it out loud like I asked? If you did we'll get to it in just a minute here. If you did not, how come? What did you tell yourself that kept you from answering that question? Just play along, okay?

Now...if you did answer it out loud did you state your job title? I was amazed how many people gave me their job title when I asked them what it is that they did. Either that or gave me something that sounded rehearsed and completely canned. One guy gave me his job title, and when I asked him "What exactly does that mean?" He fumbled about for words. I'm convinced still that this guy doesn't really know what he actually does for work!

It's amazing how people throw around titles and I guess expect people to know what the job description is for that title. After all I know lots of parents, and if you were to ask all of these parents what they actually do I'm sure you'd get a bunch of different answers, wouldn't you? So the obvious question I will leave you with today is "What do you do?" Until next time...

Live FREE!

You can report the news or you can make the news!

Due to the life I have chosen, I get the amazing privilege of meeting hundreds of people from all walks of life. Whenever I get the chance to interact with these people whether it’s one-on-one or in observing them as they interact with others, I am amazed that most people speak about other people’s lives or when they talk about their lives they talk primarily about their past. One day it struck me that as we go through life we are always talking about something or someone or people are talking about us. That is you are either reporting the news or you are making the news.

Although there is nothing wrong with either one of these things, I believe that how much of a person's time gets invested in reporting the news will create certain outcomes in life just as investing time in making the news will create certain outcomes in life. Most people spend a lopsided amount of time talking about other people’s lives. They spend time talking about how so and so is getting divorced, which celebrities are dating, which are breaking up, how the economy is doing and what the experts are saying will happen moving in to the future. On another level they may not be talking about others, but they are involved in the game of rehashing old memories with “remember when…” stories of how things used to be or how they once did something. It's, unfortunately, quite rare to hear about what someone is up to in one's life, NOW!

So let me ask you...Are you reporting the news or making the news? Until next time...



Live FREE!

TWO ROADS

Although I have a bunch of stories I've pre-written and ready to go, I thought I'd take the time this week to insert just a little thought provoking thing, and have you explore your life a bit.

Have you ever wondered where all the time has gone? I turned 42 last month. Next year this time I'll have been out of high school for 25 years and it'll be 21 years since I took a leave of absence from UCSB to run the family business (liquor store, and yes I'm Korean :), partially to be the dutiful son who was willing to sacrifice for the family when my mother was diagnosed with cancer and partly because I really didn't like school. Although, I did love my four-day weekends. I managed to schedule all of my classes on Tuesday and Thursday so I could have Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday off. Only if I had studied on those days rather than drink, drink and drink some more. And I don't mean water, you know what I mean?

It's fun to reminisce a bit, and I'm certainly fortunate that I'm still alive to even think about my past from time to time. It's amazing when I think about what I was like and what was so important to me back then, compared to who I've become so far and what's important to me now. I can honestly tell you that my life is nothing like what I thought it would be...I don't know that I had the capacity to see this future when I was twenty. Who knew back then I'd have spoken to and facilitated workshops and seminars in front of thousands of people? I didn't see that one coming. I was the kid who wet his pants in front of his fourth grade class. Who knew? What am I saying? Well you never know how someone's life will turn out. Life is certainly not about how you start, neither is it about how things may be now. It's really about becoming, isn't it? So the question is who are you becoming? and is that who you want to become or are you allowing the circumstances of your life dictate to you who you should become? Every choice we make in life either creates more opportunities or shuts down opportunities, don't they?

Why not go for the big things in life? The really risky and scary ones that you know you want, but for whatever reason you've held back on. Not even so much to get the thing done, but to challenge yourself and see what you're really made of. Going back to the speaking thing for me, I'm certain everyone has their opinions about my capacity as a public speaker, but the thing is that decision for me was quite scary and risky and it has certainly supported me in becoming the man that I am today. Not because I'm so great, but mainly because I took the scarier route rather than the one I already knew and was comfortable with. Making a decision like that has helped me to become the husband, the father, the businessman, the friend, mentor and all of the other things that I am today. The great thing is exercising those risk-taking muscles has it be easier for me to make those decisions moving in to the future, and that capacity will shape the man that I am becoming. As Robert Frost once wrote:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how WAY LEADS ON TO WAY,(I love this)
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

May we all be bold enough to at least consider the road less traveled, and may some of us exercise enough courage to actually travel that road. Mostly, may I continue to practice what I preach. God bless, until next time...

Live FREE!

I'm a SINNER?

What does it mean to sin? The word sin in Hebrew is chattath, and in Greek it is hamartia. Both these words mean 'to miss the mark.' They are words which illustrate that something is off target. Consider the illustration of aiming and missing the target like in archery. Now consider setting and missing your goal. I’d like you to consider that these two things to be the same. This would be to sin. What am I getting at? Well what if you were to tell someone that you were going to attend their party, and then for whatever reason you end up missing the party? Stay with me here, now. This would by definition be sin. Not because you lied. It’s not even a question of doing something bad or wrong. It’s simply you said one thing and did another. What about being late to a meeting? What about saying you’ll lose twenty pounds and not doing that? What about setting the alarm for 6:00am and hitting the snooze button? Any example will do. What have you come up with? Any time you say “X” and do “Y” this would be missing the mark, wouldn’t it? Would this be sin? It would.

I’m sure you can think of people in your life, right now, when they say they’ll do something you can almost bank on them not doing it. My question to you is really, what kind of person are you? Are you the kind of person who does what you say? Or are you the kind of person that may or may not do what you say? Take a moment and be honest with yourself. I’m sure you have great reasons why you don’t follow through, but regardless of your reasons just simply answer the question. I have no judgment about you if you’re not a person who follows through. This is simply an opportunity to be honest with yourself.

Now, when you find yourself not following through on what you say, what is it that you tell yourself to justify that behavior? How do you let yourself off the hook? Do you tell yourself everyone else is doing it therefore it’s ok? Do you tell yourself that the circumstances were beyond your control, therefore the circumstances allowed you or did not allow you to follow through? What do you say that makes it ok to not be your word?

Consider the possibility that you tell yourself these stories often. In fact it’s these stories that you keep telling yourself that are keeping you from achieving your dreams and goals. How’s that you ask? Think back to the last big goal you set and did not achieve. Heck, think back to any little thing you said you’d do that you did not follow through on. I’d bet money that you told yourself something that made it okay not to follow through on that, didn’t you? Please understand, again, that I have no judgment about this. I’m human. I do the same types of things. What I am getting at, however, is that to the degree that you do what you say you’re going to do, regardless of the circumstances, is to the degree that your life will work. And to the degree that you do not do what you say you’re going to do is to the degree that your life will not work. Let’s think about this, we all have circumstances, don’t we? How is it that some people come through more often than not and some people don’t come through faced with the most ridiculously smallest of circumstances. The truth is that when we’re about making excuses rather than getting the results, well, almost any excuse will do, won’t it? The dog ate my homework. The traffic. The kids. The wife. Stories piled on top of stories. I’d like you to think about this…let’s say at the end of your life you will either have all of the stories, reasons, justifications, rationalizations and excuses or you will have the life of your dreams, which would you rather have? Which is the legacy you’d like to leave for your loved ones? Which is the kind of person you’d like to be remembered as? If you were to be honest with yourself right now, based on how you’re living your life minus the stories, excuses, justifications and rationalizations how would you be remembered if you were to die right now?

Perhaps you’re saying to yourself, “Nobody's perfect.” I certainly understand that, and what if that was a story, excuse or rationalization. It’s really about this idea of being your word or not being your word, and what is the thinking beneath the surface that allows the behavior to come out the way it comes out? Is it that circumstances determine our behaviors or could it be something other than that? There are circumstances beyond our control, for sure, but are there circumstances within our control that we give in to and then rationalize, justify, excuse? Here's a challenge for you, do everything you say you're going to do for this week, as if there are no small promises. Everything is important, because what you say is important, because you're important. Until next time...


Live FREE!