Do things fall apart or do we help it along?

An interesting thing happened with my son, Payton, the other day. I have an old office chair and the arm-rests are falling apart on it. Certainly over time things do seem to deteriorate. Certainly it seems that way doesn't it. Haven't you seen a car that's been parked in the same spot over time just collect dust and dirt. You don't have to help it along it just goes about the cycle of decay and disorder. This had me think about life a bit, because even though the arm rests are falling apart how much of it was natural wear and tear and how much of it was helped along by my not taking care of it? How often in life do we simply assume this level of thinking and rather than working on preserving and growing things like relationships we simply give in to the natural process. One thing is for sure, I've seen many things grow over time, but it does requires diligence, commitment and just plain old work. Otherwise nature will take its course. Of course in the long run nature always wins, and yet we do have some say in the matter before the inevitalbe occurs don't we? Then there's the work of Ilya Prigogine, if you'd like to do some light reading on the matter...which I will not go in to here...today. Perhaps another time for that one.

The other thing that happened that I really want to focus on was the way my son Payton languaged what was happening and how that shaped his experience. Yes it is certainly a fact that based on sight the arm rests are falling apart, and it is also a fact that as my son was sitting in that chair he was helping the process along by picking at the foam material with his fingers. The interesting thing was that he stated "Dad, This thing's coming off." His tone of voice had, in my opinion, a level of frustration to it. I looked over at the situation and clearly saw that he was picking at the armrests and asked him, "Is it coming off or are you taking it off by picking at it?" To which he replied that he was in fact picking at the armrests. What was noticeable to me, was that his experience also seemed to change as he changed the way he talked about it. Again, let me reiterate that both perspectives were valid to the situation. However, depending on which perspective he chose and the resulting languaging of the situation his experience seemed to change.

Could it be that simple? What if our experience in life has little to do with what is happening and much more to do with our prespective and how we voacalize those events? Let's say that your significant other decides to call it quits and leave you, are there not many perspectives to this event? Does it necessarily mean that it's the end of the world? Is it a fact that you must be devastated? Isn't it possible to assess the situation and not just say it, but really mean it and own it that this is a liberating event and now you have the opportunity to meet someone who really cares about you and loves you for who you are? Or any number of interpretations that are availalble to us in our imaginations? What about the current state of the economy? How could this time in the economy be a great thing? Just got laid off? Again, how could that event be the best event of your life up until now? I'm not talking about being optimistic. I'm talking about choosing a perspective that empowers you to create new solutions, take new actions! So how important are the words that we choose, and what if we really do color our experiences by the words we choose, especially the ones that we put a great deal of emotion behind as we say them? If your experience is one of misery, what if you were the one creating that for yourself by telling yourself all the time how miserable your situation is? And how could that be great news for you if that's the way it is? Well, I get that there is a level of responsibility involved here, but we'll touch on that some other time. In the mean time don't just have a great day have an amazingly fantastic day! (and say it like you mean it! :) Until next time...

Live FREE!