What kind of shape are you in?

I don't know if you follow MMA (Mixed Martial Arts), but I like it. There's this guy Fedor Emelianenko, even with his recent loss most people would rate very high as among the best fighters in the business. The thing is that when you look at the guy, he doesn't look that great. Physically he's a bit pudgy. On the outside, you'd never know that he's that good, but over and over again, he just gets the job done. He's one of these people that I'd say trains to win, not to look good. I've been thinking about this for some time, when the other day, I was watching on The Golf Channel an interview with Phil Mickelson's trainer, Sean Cochran when he said the following:

"...you're gonna train an athlete...for the physical requirements of the sport. We're less concerned about how they look, but more concerned about how they perform. We're gonna train and develop the body for performance, not to be on the cover of a magazine."

That got me to thinking...What about the game of life? Are you training for performance or to look good? In one of my workshops I make a distinction between the professional attitude/mindset and the amateur attitude/mindset. When I do that, and the people start thinking about the difference between the two certain differences become obvious. Then I ask the million dollar question, are you approaching your life with the mindset of a professional, to be the best you can be, or are you approaching life like an amateur, at a hobby level? In all of the facets of your life do you go about it as a professional would or as an amateur? Are you a professional at being a husband, a father, a wife, a mother, a friend, at whatever your chosen career?

So in the game called life, perhaps you could ask yourself the following questions as well. What kind of shape am I in mentally? What kind of shape am I in emotionally? spiritually? physically? Am I in shape in these areas or have I let myself slide? If I am working out in these areas, am I training and practicing for peak performance or to simply look good? How would I even begin to measure myself in these aspects of life? It's been my experience that the things that get measured can be improved, so how would I go about measuring my performance as a husband, father, friend? How about a customer survey? What customer? Well, as a husband wouldn't your wife be your customer? What about as a father? Friend? We say things like I want to be the best person I can be, but beyond simply feeling good about ourselves do we really measure our performance? Let's go beyond that. Let's really set some higher standards to be measured and live that life.

Until next time...

Live FREE!

Joy

As you are well aware, this coming Thursday is Thanksgiving. What do you think about when you think about Thanksgiving? Food? Quality time with family…catching up? Football? Sharing in abundance? The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade?

According to the Scholastic.com website, the English colonists we call Pilgrims celebrated days of thanksgiving as part of their religion, but these were days of prayer, not days of feasting. Our national holiday really stems from the feast held in the autumn of 1621 by the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag to celebrate the colony’s first successful harvest.

As you may have noticed, the title of what you are reading is Joy. What does Thanksgiving have to do with joy, you ask? I'd like you to consider the possibility that what it doesn’t have to do with is the meal that you may be eating, or the football games or family time or anything outside of you that you may be looking to for the source of your joy. After all how many people these days cringe at the thought of eating that meal for the fear of gaining weight or get stresed out by the thought of family time. That's not to say that the meal or the family is the source of pain neither.

What I’m talking about here is how does one generate an experience of joy in his or her life? I think it is fitting at this time of year, especially in the economic climate that they keep telling us about through various media outlets over and over again, we stop to consider gratitude as the beginning of our joyful experience. Sure you could look at all of the things that may be “wrong” in your life, and certainly I can, too. Of course you have the right, the privilege and you are even entitled to look at the circumstances of your life and use those things as evidence of why you should be grumpy, sad, frustrated…or you can be grateful, have an “attitude of gratitude” about not only the things that are easy to be grateful about, but more importantly of the things that are not so easy to be grateful about, like the challenges that you may be facing, and that you have the oportunity, capacity and the resources to face them head on.

So for Thanksgiving this year, I choose to be grateful for all of the so-called challenges that I’m faced with and the challenges that I will be faced with, and of course I am grateful for all of the wonderful things as well…my wonderful family, all of the people who I’ve been so fortunate to get to know and serve over my lifetime…and the list goes on and on.

This would not be complete of course without me asking you some questions. I’d like to do something a bit different this time, though. I’d like to hear back from you the answers to the following questions. Just post it on the comments or email it to coachjang@yahoo.com so here goes…What are you grateful for, right now? Who are you grateful for, right now? What could you be grateful for if you just looked at it differently? How could you create more gratitude in your life? And What would your experience of life be if you cultivated for yourself a permanent attitude of gratitude?

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family from the Kim Family and the iLead Team, we are grateful to you and for you. We look forward to being your partner in your success! Until next time...

Live FREE and JOYFULLY!

Two Questions

A while back I was at a late night restaurant with a friend of mine I hadn’t seen in some time. He called me up and wanted to get together and talk about life, so we agreed to meet at a get-together I was invited to. Once we sat down, he started to tell me about his current situation in life; really just to complain about the circumstances of his life. After hearing his story for about ten minutes I came to the conclusion that the story would never end unless I stopped him. So, I stopped him: “Let me stop you right there,” I said, “I’ve heard enough.” Then I asked him two questions: “What is your purpose for being in…that relationship, that job?” And, “What’s next?”

My friend wanted to keep telling me his story. He wanted my opinion about why the people in his life -- his girlfriend, his co-workers, his boss, his customers -- do what they do. All of which, even if he knew the answers, still would leave him with the same two questions.

It occurs to me that most people I run in to are caught up in the same circular thinking that my friend was caught up in attempting to answer. In our pursuit to know “the truth” we lose sight of where it is we want to get to and what needs to be done about it, right now. Let’s say something about “the truth” right here: I’m not saying that “the truth” doesn’t exist. Let’s face it, we could write a whole book on the subject. What I’m saying here is that “the truth” that most of us get in the trap of attempting to figure out is not the truth anyways. In our Access To Power workshop we spend a great deal of time separating fact and interpretation. What most people consider to be “the truth” is usually nothing more than an interpretation.

So let’s bring this home to you and your life. Whatever complaint you have right at this moment about your situations - whether they be about your boss, spouse, co-worker, up-line, down-line – what if you did find out “the truth?” What if it was far worse than you ever imagined it was? What if it was not nearly as bad as you thought it was? Do you really need to know? Then ask. Whatever the answer is, far worse or not nearly as bad are you okay with “the truth?” And honestly, does what they do really have anything to do with your decision to take action or not? Then obviously the next two questions are…

What is your purpose? What’s next?

Until next time...

Live FREE!

The High Trust Environment or Culture

What is the foundation of all relationships? If you said trust, I would agree with you. The foundation of all relationships is trust or it could be said that a relationship that works, one in which the people involved have mutual respect as well as mutual benefit is built on a foundation of high trust or occurs in a high trust environment. On the other side, I’d say that a poorly functioning relationship, one in which there is no respect and no benefit, is built on a foundation of low trust or occurs in a low trust environment. If that’s the case, how does a foundation of high trust get created?

We create trust and also destroy trust with our words. Specifically stated, we create trust and also destroy trust with promises and declarations. It’s a rather simple thing. When we make a promise and then keep a promise, trust goes up. When we make a promise and then break a promise, trust goes down. I understand that in our society we allow room for excuses as to why a promise wasn’t kept and we even have certain rationalizations that we have come to agree on as fact. For example when someone says I’ll be there at a specific time, here in Southern California, especially the Los Angeles area there exists a socially acceptable amount of time in which people are allowed to be late, why? Well as a people we’ve bought in to the idea that traffic, that uncontrollable circumstance, makes us late, therefore if I promise to be on time for a function you couldn’t possibly have believed that I’d actually show up when I said I would. At least that’s how the game is set up. The formula is I say “X”, whatever X is, we play a game where I don’t have “X” and I have a great reason, story or justification and on some level the other person is supposed to buy in to the possibility that the two are in fact the same. For example, I tell you I’ll be there at 3:00 for the meeting. I show up at 3:30 and tell you that the traffic was really bad, and you are supposed to say even though I am half an hour late, because I had a good reason it is acceptable that I am 30 minutes late, in fact it’s the same as showing up at 3:00. I know that doesn’t sound right, but based on how we play this game called “being our word” that is exactly how it gets done. The real issue comes in to play when we realize that although the other person tells you it’s okay that you were late, what they are really thinking is that I don’t trust this person. As a result the relationship suffers.

Our word is all we have to relate with others by. When we make and keep a promise the relationship gets stronger. When we make and break a promise the relationship suffers. If we are cognizant of this then it is completely in our power to strengthen as well as weaken our relationships, moment to moment. No matter how bad the relationship may be we have the opportunity to strengthen it by making and then keeping our promises. This applies to ones relationship with oneself as well.

Now I know that some of you may be thinking, “If I make and break a promise and the relationship suffers, well what if I never make a promise. Then I’ll never break a promise, and therefore the relationship will never have to suffer.” That seems to make sense, but if you think about it that would mean at the very best your relationship would stagnate, which is no better. The reality of the matter though is this, have you ever been with someone who never makes a promise, never commits to you for anything? They are always saying things like, “We’ll see how it goes.” “Let’s wait and see, and play it by ear.” “I can’t promise, but I’ll see if I can make it.” Let me ask you this question, does that person instill in you a lot of confidence and trust? Probably not. In fact when I ask this question in our seminars the overwhelming majority of the people say that they don’t trust people who are like that, so playing it safe doesn’t work either.

Making promises is how human beings create the opportunity to grow a relationship. Although the possibility to break trust also gets opened up when you make a promise, the opportunity to grow the relationship is also created. Whether you keep your promise or break your promise the relationship shifts, and if you break your promise you have the opportunity to create a new one and shift the relationship again. As long as it is moving the opportunity to grow exists. If it stagnates no possibility for growth exists. The question is what are you about growth or stagnation? Until next time...

Live FREE!

What can you learn from a Two Year Old?

My son, Michael, was born on March 23, 2009 so he's not quite two yet, but watching him engage in life is an amazing thing. I've learned a lot from him lately as I wrote about before. Lately, he's helped me to remember a few things also, so here goes.

Know what you want. Michael is crystal clear about what he wants. He knows it specifically. When he wants a cookie, it's COOKIE!

Commit to what you want. Michael is committed! There's no backing down. He will go toe-to-toe with anyone who stands in the way of him and the COOKIE!

Take action. He will do whatever it takes! He doesn't have it all planned out he knows what he wants and just simply goes for it, he will enroll you in to his vision, he will do anything and everything especially delegate. :)

Persist until. There's no quit in him. He will inevitably get what he wants. He doesn't take "NO" for an answer. He just keeps going and going and going like that bunny on that battery commercial.

Express Yourself. He has a limited vocabulary, but you know what he's saying. He doesn't get hung up on finding the "right" words or the "best" way to say it he just gets his point across.

Who cares what others think. He is absolutely uninhibited. As long as he gets what he's after, it's all good. He doesn't care if you say "NO". What you think about him is the last thing on his mind.

Enjoy yourself and be in the moment. Michael is absolutely in the moment and enjoys himself. If he bumps his head, it's absolutely "WHAAAAAAA!" and then it's done and on to the next thing. He doesn't take that event in to the next day and complain about it. He's in it and then it's over. When he's happy, he's happy. When he's upset he expresses it and then it's gone.

Now I'm not necessarily advocating that you cry and scream as he does from time to time (BTW we do our very best to discourage that behavior and not give in, even though it's difficult at times :) The questions are do you know what you want, specifically? Are you committed or is it just a nice wish, a fantasy? Are you in action towards your goals, do you have an attitude of doing whatever it takes? Are you willing to persist, no matter how long or how difficult? Are you caught up in doing it "right" or are you caught up in gettin' it done? Are you allowing what you think what others might think stop you or are you willing to go through the perceived pain of ridicule, persecution, etc. to get to where you want to get to? And finally are you in the moment, completely engaged in life and enjoying each moment?

So what can you learn from a two year old? A LOT!

Until next time...

Live FREE!

Life Lesson at Hot Dog on a Stick

So yesterday I took my kids, Payton, Grace and Michael to the mall. Why? Yesterday was $1 Tuesday at Hot Dog on a Stick, which is a great excuse to not cook. We got our food and proceeded to eat, and something interesting occured.

My youngest Michael is just twenty months old, and he hasn't quite figured out the process of eating. He has a tendency to stuff his mouth until he can't fit anymore in. Then he proceeds to chew, and sometimes he swallows and sometimes he spits it out. My way of controlling this behavior is to not put all of his food in front of him at one time, but rather one bite at a time...portion control. :) So I was doing the same thing last night, breaking off a piece of the corndog, letting him eat that bite, then when he was done swallowing I'd set another piece in front of him. In the midst of taking care of my other two children I'd be a bit late in tearing off another piece for him. At this point he'd point to his corndog and grunt. At which point I'd give him another piece. Then it happened. I noticed that he was swallowing the previous piece, so I put another one in front of him. Apparently he wasn't paying attention in that moment, his focus was elsewhere, and he did not notice that I had placed the next piece of corndog in front of him, but below his eye level. He finished swallowing the bite that was in his mouth, turned to me pointed to his corndog and grunted. At this point I pointed back to the piece that was in front of him. He then pointed back at me and grunted again with a bit more passion. I did what I did, then he did what he did (he's got a bit of a stubborn streak, I have no idea where he gets this from :) and finally I picked up the piece that I had placed in front of him and lifted it to his eye level. At this point he took it from me and ate it.

I think there's a lesson in there somewhere, and taught by a twenty month old who can't speak, but can and does communicate very effectively. How often do we lose perspective? How often do we take the posture of "gimme, gimme, gimme!" that we miss out on what's already been given to us? So often the answers or solutions are right in front of us, just not at eye level. We get so busy in being arrogant and then being stubborn about our arrogance that we miss it altogether. Then some of us are engaged in looking up to the heavens for the answers thinking that the solutions are going to to come by raising our eyes higher, when that's really been the problem all along. The solutions are in front of us, but below eye level because it requires humility to look down and bow our heads. Until next time...

Live FREE!

It's just a sandwich.

As some of you may be aware, I'm currently writing a book entitled "The Undustrial Revolution!" For this book, I've been doing quite a bit of research on the economy and the industrial revolution as well as marketing. It's been quite a ride so far, and I can't wait to get the book finished and in your hands. I certainly feel that it is going to be of tremendous value to those who get a chance to read it.

Certainly the industrial revolution was a huge turning point in man's capacity to manipulate resources and crank out products at an unprecedented rate. It also has been a wonder in terms of economic output, and many scholars have made a case for how the overall standard of living has gotten better for the masses due to the production capacity. It can also be looked at as the downfall of man as well, though, in terms of people being used and manipulated for monetary gain at an unprecedented rate. What payoffs we've gained in terms of production certainly seems to have come at a price in terms of people being human beings. We've become human doings, part of the machinery and machines ourselves. Think about how the personnel department has now become human resources. People are now considered resource no different than any other raw material to be used up and thrown aside. I think that we are currently in a stage in human thinking where we are making a move back towards being human beings again all while keeping our capacity to produce...this is what I've termed The Undustrial Revolution.

Part of the issue in my mind has been how we've marvelled at our capacity to produce. Part of the issue has been the narcissistic way in which we've become so fascinated with ourselves. We've focused so much on our capacity to manipulate raw materials and resources and make something out of them that we've lost focus of the fact that we can't make the raw materials. Let me explain. Let's say that you were given some bread, meat, cheese, lettuce and such. What could you make out of that? Well, you'd probably make a sandwich, wouldn't you? You could make many different variations, but in the end it is still a sandwich. It could be a fantastic sandwich, and we could all marvel at how great your sandwich is and even call you a genius when it comes to creating sandwiches. In the process of that we tend to lose sight of the person who created the bread, the meats, the cheeses and grew the lettuce. There's nothing wrong with celebrating the sandwich and the sandwich making genius. In fact let's do that. Let's celebrate the people who make great sandwiches, but let's not forget to celebrate the ones who made the bread, the meat, the cheese and grew the lettuce. In fact let's go right to the source and acknowledge the source where all of it came from. Let's be grateful that we've been given not only the raw materials, but the capacity to manipulate the raw materials. After all, without this source, I'll call this source God, we'd have nothing to manipulate and we wouldn't even have the capacity to manipulate. I think it's awesome that we've produced machines that can fly, buildings that soar in to the sky, and all of the machines that create the machines that crate the machines that make all this stuff. So as we celebrate our capacity to produce as well as the products, let's not lose sight of the fact...it's just a sandwich. Until next time...

Live FREE!

Sinking Toys and Focus

During the summer my children and I spent a great deal of time out at the pool. My oldest, Payton, has been swimming for a couple of summers and Grace, my second child, learned to swim this past summer. Towards the end of this past summer, they both became interested in these toys that sink to the bottom of the pool. The object is to throw these things in, they sink to the bottom and the kids dive in after them and retrieve them. I remember doing that as a child myself, actually I found myself playing with them quite a bit. (It's funny how some things never change)

In the beginning, as much as they wanted to go down and get thoses things, they were having a difficult time with it. They'd dive in the water with their goggles on, and it seemed that as quickly as they dove in they would pop right back up without the toys. Was it a matter of lack of skill? Was this going to take another couple of summers, after all they are still quite young, only six and four? What was it?

I determined that it was focus. My take on the situation was that although initially their intention was to go down and get the toys, when they jumped in the water their focus came off the task at hand and went to the surrounding water and their inability to breathe under water. Think about it, one or two little toys at the bottom or a huge pool of water. It's very easy to focus on the water rather than the toys, you're surrounded by it, it's all around you, you're covered in it, it's certainly bigger than you, and blah, blah, blah. Isn't this a lot like life and the goals we set out on? You want and desire this one thing in life, and you're surrounded by distractions, nay-sayers, circumstances that seem bigger than life. It's very easy to lose your focus isn't it? It especially becomes easy to say things like "I need to go back to school" "I need to get more knowledge" "I need to improve my skills" Perhaps, and then again perhaps you just need to re-direct your focus.

It turned out that my kids didn't need to improve their skills and they didn't need to take another summer or two, nor did they need to get any older. They simply needed to stay focused on the goal. I simply asked them "What do you want?" "The torpedo." "What color is the torpedo?" "The red one." "Which one?" "The red one." "Which one?" "The red one." "Go get it!" and just like that the impossible was done. Until next time...

Live FREE!

Timing

I was taking my son Payton to school this morning, and I was amazed at how crucial timing can be. Let me explain. Yesterday we left the house at 7:30 and he ended up being late to school by twenty minutes. It took fifty minutes to get him to school. This morning we left at 7:00 and we got to his school by 7:35. It took thirty-five minutes. We traveled the same distance on two different occasions, yet one day it took fifty minutes the next day only thirty-five. Haven't you experienced something similar in your life? It seems that there is a window of opportunity in life that when you jump on it everything works out well, yet if you miss that window of opportunity it doesn't exactly work out well. Think about the trip to my son's school. By leaving half an hour earlier we saved fifteen minutes on the trip. Yeah I know, what's fifteen minutes, right? Well in terms of time it doesn't seem like much, but in terms of percentage it's huge. Fifteen minutes is 30% of fifty minutes, which would mean we saved that much time by getting an early start. Okay, what am I getting at?

Now, let's look at your life and mine. What if success in life had something to do with timing? Not so much because timing is everything in terms of getting to where you want to get to. After all we did still get to the school, just late. Let's look at business. Certainly you could get a McDonald's franchise now and still be successful with it, but it wouldn't be the same rate of return on investment as it would be if you had gotten one thirty years ago. The opportunity is different now. What about health and fitness? Well if you started and kept it up when you were young, it would be easier than if you started in your thirties. Again you could still reach a high level of fitness in your thirties, but the task would be harder. What about learning an instrument? Certainly learning at an earlier age has its advantages.

Back to the school situation as a metaphor. I'll be honest with you, there was a moment we were moving so slowly that I wasn't sure when we'd get to his school, and I thought about turning around and taking him back home. The logic was I don't know when we're going to get there. He could end up being an hour late, in which case, what's the point. Perhaps that is the kind of thinking that sets in for people when they get up against an obstacle while pursuing their goals.

Using the examples I've given regarding business, health and musical instruments, the later you start there are certain things that become obstacles to overcome that would not have existed at an earlier age. Time especially. In my life, for example, I started playing the piano at an early age and I had a ton of time to practice. Now as an adult I would need to rearrange a bunch of things and carve out the time. I want to be very clear about this, it can still be done, but the challenges are greater and it's these challenges that are so easy to give in to.

How about this one, haven't you had one of those great ideas that you thought was THE IDEA, and you did nothing with it. What happened over time? You probably talked yourself out of it, right? Either that or you allowed someone else to talk you out of it, right? or You put it on the back burner so long that you eventually just forgot about it, right? Only later when you wre walking through the mall to find YOUR IDEA at a kiosk making money for someone else did you remember it, again. Only too late.

So what of all this and timing? Well one of the unique things about great timing is that you only realize you capitalized on it or you missed out on it in hindsight. Like in my example about taking my son to school, I learned from experience. How can you absolutely know if the timing is right or not? You won't know if you don't go, so my take on it is this...NOW! NOW is the best time, while the idea is fresh, while the passion is strong, the desire is hot! Here's what else I've experienced, by taking action NOW you create opportunity and an opportunity seized is an opportunity created. What do I mean? Every time you take action, a new opportunity opens up. Metaphorically speaking, you can't get to the next door until you open and walk through the one that's in front of you...NOW!!

Live FREE!

Did you vote?

Did you vote today? I'd like you to consider the idea of voting with me. Not just on election day, but how it is that we all have a vote every day, don't we? We vote every day with our money and with our time. How serious do you take this responsibility? We vote when we cut someone off on the freeway. We vote when we allow someone to merge in front of us. We vote when we make time for our children, just like we vote when we make something more important. We vote when we pass by a stranger on the side of a road, just like we vote when we decide to stop for that person.

Certainly we all hold an enormous amount of power with our right to vote as citizens of this country, but we also hold an enormous amount of power with our capacity to vote with our dollars. What we spend our money on is a vote for a company and the products that they offer. What we don't spend our money on is a vote against a company and the products that they offer. We allow businesses to stay in business and go out of business with our voting dollars. We vote when we buy products made in this country and when we don't. This allows jobs to exist or not.

We vote everyday in ways big and in ways small. How are you using your votes every day? What are you voting for, and are you making your votes count? Until next time...

Live FREE!

More than a feeling...

I decided to write on this subject, because someone I know on his blog talked about the idea of how people have love as this unavoidable feeling that comes over them. He made a great point that it's about choice. Here are my thoughts about love, and how it relates to being a fundamental component of successful living.

Love as a fundamental component of must be engaged as a verb not just some feeling you have. Until you take action and the results show up outside of you I would not call it love. Let's consider this... imagine for a moment that you have all these feelings of love for someone, but you do nothing about it and if they were asked if they felt loved by you they say they don't, is this love? If I say that I love my wife, but I do nothing for her and she doesn't feel loved by me, is this love? If I say I love you, but I continue to behave in ways that have you feel unloved, is this love? If I say I love my children, but I'm engaged in behavior that belittles them and has them feel small and insignificant, is this love? I can tell myself over and over again that I love someone or something, but ultimately I am not the judge of my love, someone else is. In the communication of love there is the transmitter and the receiver. As the transmitter of the message, it is up to me to send the message in a manner that makes sense to the receiver.

The flip side of this is if I love someone, then I make the effort to see the love in the things that person does for me. What does this mean? Well, I'm not in to somebody cooking for me, but I also get that some people express their love and affection by cooking for people. If I'm with someone who cooks for me as an expression of love, then I get to receive that show of love. I can certainly make some requests for things that I like, rather than the cooking thing, but just because the other person doesn't change their behavior for me doesn't mean the other person doesn't love me. They are simply expressing their love for me in a manner that makes sense for them. As the receiver of the transmission, it is up to me to decipher the coded message from the transmitter. Does this mean that I can decipher any message to be an expression of love? Yes, and we'll talk more about that when we discuss responsibility.

What about loving oneself? Let's think it through. In the case of loving oneself, then I am both the transmitter and receiver. If I say I love myself, but am not taking care of myself and doing things to harm myself, then ultimately the message I'm sending and receiving from myself would not be one of love, would it?

What about the love of things? Again, if I love the game of football, then I will be in action about it, watching it, playing it, coaching it, etc. If I love cars, then I gain possession of them, work on them, drive them. There is something being done on my part regarding the thing I love that would be evidence beyond mere talk. How do you know if someone "loves" their work, they are engaged in it with a level of passion that almost anyone who witnesses it would agree.

Ultimately love like many other things that we simply have as emotions is about much more than just emotions. It's about the corresponding actions and the results of those actions, isn't it? So what do you love? Look at what you do? Love unexpressed could hardly be called love. Love is only love when the expression of that love is made, and it is gotten by someone other than just you. So if you love someone or something, the question isn't whether or not you feel love, the question is can they feel your love? Consider this, until they get it, it isn't.

Until next time...

Live FREE!