What does it really mean?

A little while back my wife was talking with a man who had very briefly met me, and he told my wife that he was intimidated by me. He mentioned to her that I came across with so much confidence and because I didn't talk that much to people it was very difficult for him to approach me. For him, just apporaching me and talking with me was difficult for him to do. Of course he did approach me and we did talk. Eventually after talking with me he realized that there was nothing at all intimidating about me.

It's interesting to me that as I've gotten older, more and more this has happened. I've gotten this feedback on severa occasions that I'm somehow intimidating. One of the reasons people have given is this perceived level of confidence and I've even gotten arrogance. What's been even more interesting to me is that the one distinguishing characteristic that people always point to is that I'm quiet and don't talk much. It's funny because when I was younger, because I was quiet and didn't talk much, people thought I was shy.

Of course nowadays when people meet me, it's generally in some business setting and I get introduced as the communications expert, the trainer, the guy who's spoken in front of thousands of people. I suppose with that context people have a tendency to take my being quiet as being aloof or arrogant and feel intimidated.

I'm just surprised by how a shift in context can shape people's perceptions. I've been quiet my whole life. I was quiet as a child because I was observant most of the times, and when I did speak it was quite a whirlwind of activity. So much so that it would always surprise people. The comment I used to get when I was a younger was something like "I thought you were shy, but you sure can talk when you have something to say." or "For someone so shy you sure can talk when you have something to say." I was never shy, just observant. People loved to label me as shy, though. Now, the same behavior has me being labeled as intimidating.

It's amazing how we as people love to jump to conclusions and label things. I suppose it gives us some false sense of knowing what is going on. By labeling things and people we can put things in a box, and if we're wrong we can be surprised. What would it be like if we were just open? How would life change for us if simply met things and people wherever they were and were open to seeing things for what they were rather than seeing them the way we wish them to be? How often do we miss out on opportunities because we've jumped to some conclusion ahead of time, rather than engaging with the moment? After all if you really think about it, our assumptions and conclusions say more about what's in our own hearts and minds than it does about what's actually occuring, doesn't it? Until next time...

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