Why Do You Have To Die?

Last night my son, Payton, asked me "Dad, are you going to die?" WOW! I said, "Yes, we all will die some day." He asked me, "I don't want you to die. Why do you have to die?"

Me: "Well, Payton, what does it mean to you when someone dies?"
Payton: "It means someone goes away forever and ever and never comes back."
Me: "If you knew that someday that person was going away and never coming back would you be nice or mean to them?"
Payton: "Nice."
Me: "Would you want to have happy, fun times or angry times?"
Payton: "Happy times."

We don't really think about the fact that someone we love will not be with us forever, at least not so often that we allow the thought to have an impact on our daily activities, do we? For example, I know that I won't be here forever, but it's not so much on the front of my mind that I think to myself "I'm not going to yell at my kids today, because if for some reason I was to die I don't want that to be how they remember me." Nor do I think to myself, "I'm going to call up that friend that I owe an apology to today, because this may be the only chance I get."

The more and more I thought about it, long after he went to bed it seems to me that the end of our lives is there for us to appreciate the life that we have that is someday going to end, and to appreciate the lives of others because we know that they, too, will one day cease to be with us. I think we all know this like we know we should love our neighbor as ourself and do unto them as we'd want them to do unto us, but for some reason like so many things we're so busy that it doesn't really register as important. Perhaps it has something to do with the perception that it's still far away in that place known as someday. I know that all of those somedays that I've thought about usually are here before I know it and much faster than I thought it would arrive.

I'm sure that this nothing profound, but perhaps my son in his own way was reminding me of the fact that I only have a limited number of days left and that I could not necessarily do more, but rather I could just be better...patient, loving, risking, passionate, excited, enthusiastic...just BE ALIVE!

Me: "Maybe, Payton, the reason we die is that because if we knew we could live forever, we'd just waste all that time. What do you think, buddy?"
Payton: "Yeah, but I'm gonna be sad when you die."
Me: "Are you crying? Are you sad?"
Payton: "Yes."
Me: "That's ok, buddy. Being sad is just a part of being alive."

Until next time...

LIVE FREE!

What does it really mean?

A little while back my wife was talking with a man who had very briefly met me, and he told my wife that he was intimidated by me. He mentioned to her that I came across with so much confidence and because I didn't talk that much to people it was very difficult for him to approach me. For him, just apporaching me and talking with me was difficult for him to do. Of course he did approach me and we did talk. Eventually after talking with me he realized that there was nothing at all intimidating about me.

It's interesting to me that as I've gotten older, more and more this has happened. I've gotten this feedback on severa occasions that I'm somehow intimidating. One of the reasons people have given is this perceived level of confidence and I've even gotten arrogance. What's been even more interesting to me is that the one distinguishing characteristic that people always point to is that I'm quiet and don't talk much. It's funny because when I was younger, because I was quiet and didn't talk much, people thought I was shy.

Of course nowadays when people meet me, it's generally in some business setting and I get introduced as the communications expert, the trainer, the guy who's spoken in front of thousands of people. I suppose with that context people have a tendency to take my being quiet as being aloof or arrogant and feel intimidated.

I'm just surprised by how a shift in context can shape people's perceptions. I've been quiet my whole life. I was quiet as a child because I was observant most of the times, and when I did speak it was quite a whirlwind of activity. So much so that it would always surprise people. The comment I used to get when I was a younger was something like "I thought you were shy, but you sure can talk when you have something to say." or "For someone so shy you sure can talk when you have something to say." I was never shy, just observant. People loved to label me as shy, though. Now, the same behavior has me being labeled as intimidating.

It's amazing how we as people love to jump to conclusions and label things. I suppose it gives us some false sense of knowing what is going on. By labeling things and people we can put things in a box, and if we're wrong we can be surprised. What would it be like if we were just open? How would life change for us if simply met things and people wherever they were and were open to seeing things for what they were rather than seeing them the way we wish them to be? How often do we miss out on opportunities because we've jumped to some conclusion ahead of time, rather than engaging with the moment? After all if you really think about it, our assumptions and conclusions say more about what's in our own hearts and minds than it does about what's actually occuring, doesn't it? Until next time...

Live FREE!

My Defective Travel Cup Part 2

So did you figure out what was going on? The first step to solving any problem I believe lies in the questions we ask. If we ask the poor questions then inevitably poor answers will come out of it, wouldn't it? If we ask better questions, we get better answers. Are you with me so far? Sometimes we only get to the better questions by struggling long enough with a series of poor questions, though. It's interesting how our education system puts a premium on knowing the "right" answers and is less than encouraging about asking a bunch of questions. Anyways, I digress, but on a similar vein...I once did a a very simple card trick for a friend of mine, and he asked me to do it again to figure out how I was doing it. I'm not a professional magician, so I broke the cardinal rule of magic and did it for him, again... and again and again. After a while he said something like, "I'm looking and looking, but I can't figure out how you're doing it. I'm really looking, too." I simply said, "What do you think you're looking for?" The truth is that many times in life we are looking for answers where we can't find them, not for lack of effort, but because we don't know what we're looking for... are you following me, here? Good, so here we go with the cup.

The first thing was what if there was nothing wrong with the cup? Then the issue lied with me, but what about me? Was I not using the cup correctly? Well, how could that be? I've been drinking out of cups most of my life, right? What if there was a design issue with the cup and the way that I used the cup was combining to create this issue? There was the answer, literally at the end of my nose. So what was the issue? The way I was using the cup and the way it was designed, when I tipped the cup to drink from it, my nose was covering the vent hole. This obviously restricted the flow, and when I pulled the cup away from my nose, just enough for the air to go through, this action caused a sudden surge of liquid to come pouring out when I wasn't expecting it to. This was what caused the spill. Problem solved! Now what possible life lessons come from this?

Well, I got some good lessons out of it, but for this time I'd like you to simply think it through for yourself and email me or comment on what you got out of this post, okay? That's all for now, and until next time...

Live FREE!

My Defective Travel Cup

I was having a cup of coffee this morning when I remembered something funny that happened a few years back that has a life lesson in it, so...

My wife decided to buy me a travel cup, one of those cups with a lid on it that keep your coffee warm. I'm not sure why, but it's probably because she loves me. :) I'm not all that in to gifts, but when I do get a gift I tend to use it right away and I use the heck out of it. When I got this travel cup I decided to brew a cup of coffee, just so I could use it. I was very excited to use my new cup! I poured the coffee in it, put in a bit of sugar and cream and went to take a sip. Much to my surprise, hardly any coffee came out. I literally had to suck on the opening of the cup for any decent amount of coffee to to come out of the cup. I thought perhaps I wasn't tipping the cup back far enough, so I tipped it back. Still hardly anything at all. Then, ust as I was pulling the cup away from my lips a bunch of coffee came pouring out. I now had coffee all over my face and shirt. Suffice it to say, I was a bit annoyed. I thought it strange, and quite frankly, I'm a bit of a slow learner, so I decided to take another sip. Wouldn't you know it...the same thing happened, again. Like I said earlier...me, slow learner...so I did it again and again, until I decided that there was something wrong with the cup. I decided to return the cup and get a new one.

A few days went by, and I hadn't returned the cup yet...it just wasn't that high on my list of priorities. Then it hit me like a bolt of lightning, I knew what was going on. I ran to the kitchen, took out the cup, poured some water in it and took a drink. This time it worked just fine, and I had figured out what was happening. I am happy to say that was over six years ago, and I have used that travel cup many times since with absolutely no problem whatsoever. So what was going on? I'll let you know tomorrow, but if you want to venture a guess, please do so. :)

Are you a lion or a LION?

The following is an excerpt from my upcoming book: The Undustrial Revolution! Enjoy, and until next time...

Live FREE!



As we get started here I want to discuss with you a few things, because as you get in to this book you’ll see yourself falling in to a few different categories. My goal in writing this was not to offend anyone; however, it is pretty apparent to me that some people might become offended. If you happen to be one of those people that become offended, please understand that I have no intentions of offending anyone with what I’ve written. Another group of people are those who will read this book, and do little or nothing with the information. They might even agree with a lot of what they read, but for whatever reason they’ll never do anything with it. The third group is predominantly whom this book was written for, and you’ll know if you belong in this group in a little bit.

Let me ask you a question, though, what makes a lion a lion? Would you agree that there is a difference between a lion in the wild and a lion that lives in captivity? Is a lion in captivity, one that has never lived in the wild, truly a lion? Yeah it certainly looks like one, doesn’t it? Which begs the question in my mind what is the difference between the two?

I don’t know if you’ve watched the movie Happy Feet, but in the movie the main character Mumble goes in search of finding the answer to the problem of shortage of fish to eat. Eventually he finds himself living in captivity, being fed all the fish he wants. When he first arrives in his captive environment he asks one of the other penguins, “Where am I?” and the other penguin answers back “You’re in heaven.” At first the environment makes no sense to Mumble at all and he tries to escape, but after a while his eyes glaze over, he becomes like all of the other captive and captivated penguins, merely existing in this environment, being fed when it’s feeding time, jumping in the water to swim around a bit, never having to worry about anything, not really accomplishing anything, surviving but I wouldn't say LIVING! One day he has a vision of his family that he left behind. He remembers why it is that he left them in the first place, and gets back on track with his mission and ultimately accomplishes it.

Back to the question about lions. If you were born in to captivity how would you know the difference between your existence and the existence of a wild lion? You’d never know, would you? You’d only know what you were missing once you saw the existence of a lion in the wild, wouldn’t you? Two lions that on the outside look the same, to the untrained person both would seem to represent the same danger. We do understand, though, they are not the same. The one in captivity, if it’s been in captivity long enough or it was born in captivity, is quite tame. It has the potential to be dangerous, but the higher likelihood is that it will never do any harm to anyone. The one in the wild, unlike the one in captivity is a completely different story. The one in the wild when it is hungry will find food. The one in captivity will wait for someone to feed it. Yes it is true that both are actually lions, but at the same time we could agree that they are not at all the same.

Now, let’s think about this. Two people look the same on the outside, yet what drives them are two different things. I’d like you to consider the possibility that most human beings at this point in history have been born in to captivity. That most people are sitting around waiting to be fed. I’d also like you to consider that most people also have a much greater potential than this, but that is in fact where they find themselves. Quite frankly, most people have never questioned this, and until they come across a person who is “wild” they never would even think about it. Here’s how you know if I’m talking to you. If you’re one of these people who are never satisfied, who sit around saying to yourself things like, “I know I’m capable of much more than what I’m currently doing.” Or “I want so much more than what I have.” You’re more than likely the person I’m writing this book for. If you’ve started more than one business and failed, but you keep telling yourself that the next one will be the one, you’re probably the person I’m writing this book for. If you’re cynical or think that it couldn’t possibly be you, then more than likely it’s not for you.

There’s nothing wrong with being a lion. Please don’t take this the wrong way. Plenty people are happy being a lion, living in captivity, living in safety and security, knowing when their paycheck is coming, being able to predict the next fifty years of life. Then again, there’s nothing right about this way of being either, and certainly there’s nothing wrong with being a LION. For some of us we’d rather live life on our own terms. We understand that living wild guarantees nothing, but we love being in the hunt. We know that we will experience hurts. We know that there will be times when we go hungry. We also know that it’s ultimately up to us, and we wouldn’t want it any other way. We may fall on our faces more than others, but we also know that we will experience the ecstasy of winning big. We love to win, hate to lose, but ultimately it’s the competition that drives us…to see what we’re made of.

So let me ask you are you a lion or are you a LION? If you’re the “right” person reading this book I will break down some very simple concepts and ideas along with some historical facts and truths that will forever alter your future…as long as you take action on what you read. I will also introduce you to some other LIONS, so that you can start identifying with these people. These are not the only LIONS in the world, but their stories of success, setbacks and SUCCESS will not only encourage you, but you will also be able to relate to them. Ultimately, I believe that everyone reading these words has the potential to be "dangerous" and my goal is to shake you up and arouse that spirit inside you.

Perhaps you’ve already decided that you’re not the person this book was written for. That’s too bad, because I know that deep inside you resides the spirit of a LION. Perhaps you’re not sure if you are or you are not. Either way, I would encourage you to finish this book. You may read something that ignites that spirit in you, and you’ve already come this far, why not just finish what you started, right? Are you ready? Because ready or not here we go...

GO!...FIGHT!...WIN!

Do you remember high school? Ok...you probably don't remember everything about high school, but what do you remember? What are some of your fondest memories? How about your first kiss? OK...maybe for you that was junior high or even elementary (I don't condone this behavior by the way :).

For me, some of my fondest memories from those years revolve around the game of football. I loved every minute of it. I loved the off season and staying in shape. I loved lifting weights, running, sprints. I loved "hell week" and the comaraderie with the other players. I loved practices. I even loved the sprints we had to run for punishment sometimes. I loved watching the other guys who were just going through the motions and learning about character. I loved the guys who always gave it their all and learning about work ethic and the value of hard work. Most of all, I loved Friday nights and the games played under the lights. I even played a couple years of college ball. I can honestly say that although I never reached the NFL like I dreamed of I have no regrets around the game, because I left it all on the field.

As we have already moved in to 2011, we are 33% of the way through the first month, I'd like to ask you and myself this question...Are we leaving it all on the field? Are we playing to win...with reckless abandon? or are we playing just to survive and get to half time? Are we even in the game?

On January 1, 2011 at 6am, I led a workshop at the Riverside office of PHP (People Helping People - www.myphpdream.com) one of the companies I've aligned myself with. I wasn't sure what the response would be, after all we were asking people to give themselves the morning of the first day of the year. Would people even show up? If so, how many? I was very surprised that over 40 people showed up. Isn't that amazing? That tells me that people are hungry to win, and some people are actually willing to get up and do something about it. Think about the prices some of those people paid to be there that morning. Going to bed early on New Years eve. One couple even brought their very little children. Are you willing to pay those kinds of prices to win this game called life?

Going back to the football memories, as I was running this morning, I remembered one of the cheers that the cheerleaders used to do. I don't remember everything, but there was this section where they would yell, "GO! FIGHT! WIN!" I think there's a formula for success there, so let's break this down.

1. GO! If you think about it this really is the first step, isn't it? Yes you should do some goal setting and figuring out what you want, but after all of that you must simply...GO! As Andy Andrews says, "The purpose of planning and analysis is not to do more planning and analyzing. The pupose of planning and analysis is to take action." I don't know what the correct amount of time for planning and analysis is, but I do know that the quicker you get in to implementation and action, the quicker you will learn through experience. Think about it...if you keep planning and changing directions right where you're standing, you may be looking in a different direction, but you're still standing on the same spot...you haven't gone anywhere. Gathering more information and knowledge is fine, but it doesn't necessarily lead to action. I know a lot of people with plenty of knowledge that never do anything. So knowledge doesn't lead to action, but action always leads to knowledge...even if that knowledge is, "I'll never do that again!" So just GO! Get after it, whatever it is. Getting moving before the fear has time to set in. JUST GO!

2. FIGHT! Now that you're going, now that you're actually in the game, what now? Well, FIGHT DAMN IT! Give it everything you've got. Life has a way of testing our commitments by throwing obstacles in front of us. These obstacles were given to us not to stop us but to help us become the man or woman we will need to become so that we can achieve the things we want to achieve. Consider this...when you start off from afar to reach the highest peak, it is clear in your sights. As you get closer, you will encounter a smaller hill that when you reach the bottom of that hill it will obscure your view of the peak. You have a choice at this point, to complain about this hill or get to the top of it. If you decide to take on this hill, when you get to the top two things will happen. The peak will come in to view again, first of all. The second thing is that you will have gained the experienced of climbing this hill, and become that much stronger. This experience and strength will prepare you for the next bigger hill, and that one will prepare you for the next one still. Your job is simply to keep taking the next hill, but you got to fight for it.

3. WIN! Finally if you do the first two you will win. Just win, baby! I think if you do the first two, you will always win. No regrets.

You know, Vince Lombardi once said, "The harder you work, the harder it becomes to give up." I think most of us have never gotten to that point, and that is why so many of us give up so easily. You see, at some point if you go far enough in the journey towards your dreams, you will eventually cross that line. That line is the point where you are closer to the dream than from where you started, and it makes no sense to turn around or stop. There is only one thing left to do, and that is to keep going. Think of the explorers who came to the "New World". Think of Christpher Columbus and his crew. At some point they were so far from home that it made no sense to go back...they'd die on their way back. The only choice they had once they crossed that line was to either get to the other side or die trying. Are you with me? Have you crossed that line? Well, what are you waiting for? Get busy! Get to that line as quickly as possible! Then get over that line! Then go all the way!

I wish for you the greatest of success in 2011, but mostly I wish for you the bigger hills to climb, because that let's me know that you're getting closer to your dreams. If you'd like, send me an email of your biggest goal for this year, and perhaps we can create a dialogue so that I can support you in reaching it. God bless, and until next time...

Live FREE!